Listen to the Water | FULL SERIES | Wattys 2022 Shortlist | ✔

(32) Taiki: In Search of Friends

Ande and I agreed before leaving Rapal that if we were separated for more than half a day, I would take the risk of singing for her. It's been twice that long already now. I've used the seeking song twice, hovering above the ruin and turning in a circle to cover every direction. It's the best I can do. I know the song has a range of less than a swim from the surface to the Shalda-sana, but I had hoped Ande would be within that distance after sneaking away.

She's not.

Between repetitions, I scan the water over and over in search of Ande's lights, or a return call to let me know she felt mine. When I can't take the oppressive emptiness, darkness, and stillness anymore, I jet back into the ruin and return to my corner with my hand-lights off. The stars on my tail are at least a drop of comfort. They remind me that I exist. That light exists. I never thought I would miss the deep blue of the Shalda-sana sky this much, but I've now been through several cycles of thinking—really thinking—that I would rather have full sunlight than this.

I just don't want to be alone.

I'd take even Sar now. It's not that I'm no longer mad at them; I am. They insulted the goddess who protects my people, and refused to back down. They insinuated again that I didn't care about my people. That hurt. But I reacted too strongly. I should have ignored the jab, or kept arguing, or shut down the conversation. What I did does deserve an apology. So does what they said about Andalua, but I'm willing to go first if it keeps Sar from abandoning us. I'm no longer sure that they won't.

I stir from my position and peek over the wall for the hundredth time. I have better questions to ask Sar now. And, I realize, I'm quite confident they're not going to hurt me. If they were, I'd have seen it when I attacked them first.

The ruin is still empty, but a faint taste in the water makes me pause. I shouldn't be tasting anything new. The water down here doesn't move. Except when it does, because something big has stirred it—and the water over the ruin is moving now. I wrench back with my heart in my throat, suddenly choking me. The last time we felt this, a Shalda tribe got eaten. I dive towards the nearest intact den. Ducking inside only changes the fear. Now I'm hidden, but blind.

The den refracts the eddies of my breathing. I try to quiet my breaths. For the longest time, my world is nothing but the pounding of my heartbeat, the water's slow swirl, and the lingering smell from outside. I lose track of time as I rock back and forth, a motion that only just manages to comfort me. I don't know how long it's been when I start to feel an ache in my arms. I pry off my clenching fingers to find bruises beneath.

I'm still safe, I think: I've detected nothing outside. I drift to one of the den's entrances. The water over the ruin is calm, though the taste still lingers. It smells like blood—but not Kel blood, I realize. Kel blood has a much more iron tang. For the first time, I wonder whether I misinterpreted the shifting water. It was something big, but not as big as the current we felt out on the silt flat, before I found the arm. Did something big and injured just pass by? Or was it only hunting?

I have two companions out there right now. This blood may not be theirs, but Ande at least could injure any hunter that tried to attack her. Maybe she's close.

I have to investigate, or I'll never know what happened out there. I need to know if Ande was involved. Finally, when another too-long span of time has passed without any sign of danger, I creep out of the den. Nothing grabs me. I weave through the ruin, picking up a rock to use as a weapon as I go. When I reach the open water, I take a deep breath and follow the blood trail. It's strong enough now that I don't need lights, so I turn mine off and feel a little safer. My other senses are sharp enough to tell if something's coming, and like this, I'm invisible. To sight, at least. There are sightless ambush predators in the Karu-sana: venomous fish, crabs, and body-long worms with jaws that can cut a fish in half. If one of those is down here, it won't need sight to catch me. But then again, lights won't help me spot them, either. They all ambush from beneath the mud or sand.