𝗙𝗔𝗨𝗟𝗧𝗦 | anakin skywalker

✰ 63: assurance

Anakin's silence spoke volumes.

The fallen Jedi barely said a word for almost half an hour. They were in hyperspace, and Obi-Wan had recently disabled all tracking modules on the ship so they couldn't be found by Palpatine and his forces. The boy simply stared at his wife for ages, most likely overthinking. Obi-Wan wished he would just talk to him.

What Anakin did... that was not something that could simply be forgotten. He betrayed the entire Jedi Order, killing the majority of them in the process, leaving the chancellor in power, and giving him the advantage of having millions of clones bred for war on his side. If Obi-Wan had to place a bet right now, it would be on the chancellor. But in Obi-Wan's eyes, no action was unforgivable. Forgive, but don't forget. Obi-Wan decided it was better not to be hard on him right now. Especially because he was most likely beating up himself.

He could see it in his eyes. Anakin felt remorse. He felt sorry. He felt at fault. And he was right to feel those things. He's human. Humans feel. Obi-Wan thought to himself. If he had been a better master, would all this have happened? If Qui-Gon was still alive, would Anakin have learned to better regulate his emotions? Obi-Wan only knew one way to do it— push everything away and let go of all the feelings. Qui-Gon's methods had differed. Obi-Wan wondered if it could have helped him. If Ahsoka was still a Jedi, would all this have happened? If Akya had never been Obi-Wan's Padawan? If she and Anakin had never met?

Obi-Wan could ask himself a million questions, but there was only one truth: it didn't happen that way. Qui-Gon died. Obi-Wan was Anakin's master. Anakin met Akya. They fell in love. Ahsoka left the Order. Anakin turned. Anakin killed. The Jedi died. The chancellor remains triumphant. At this point in time, these things seemed to be inevitable. You can't change the past, no matter how hard you try. And don't forget it, because you'll be bound to repeat it.

"What if she doesn't wake up, Obi-Wan?" Anakin's pained voice broke the silence. It was better this way, as they still had a little way's to go before arriving at Ahsoka's last known coordinates. Obi-Wan turned his chair around and faced him.

"She will," the master assured.

"She'll never let me near our child," Anakin said. He seemed to be simply talking— he didn't look up at Obi-Wan, and instead, continued looking down at his wife with regret. "I don't deserve to be.  I don't even deserve to be here right now." He finally looked up at his master. "You should have left me on that planet to die."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

"I had a chance," Anakin said, looking up.  He was getting frustrated.  But not with Obi-Wan, it seemed.  With himself.  "I had so many chances.  And I wasted all of them. You know, when I was up in the chancellor's office, and... and Mace Windu was about to kill Palpatine... I thought about letting him do it. I thought about doing the right thing, about getting rid of the Sith Lord who had orchestrated three years of war." He sighed, then looked down at his wife again. "And then I thought of Akya. How she was going to die, and how I had to stop that. I needed Palpatine, because I need Akya. And I didn't even realize the volume of my actions until it was too late. I can't live without her, Obi-Wan." 

"There are a million things I could tell you, Anakin," Obi-Wan began softly. "But you don't need me to tell you that this is why Jedi don't form attachments. You learned the hard way. You don't need my lectures, because you've had ten years of them. So I will tell you this: You are my brother, Anakin. I love you. And for what it's worth, I genuinely think you deserve to be happy. What you did... that's something that takes years to forgive. But I believe you can be redeemed. It may take time and patience, but I believe it can be done. You deserve one last chance."

Anakin's eyes whispered a thank you to Obi-Wan. "You were a good master," he said.  "I'm sorry I failed you."

"You fell into a trap conditioned to you from a young age," said Obi-Wan. "It would have happened to anyone."

"But it happened to me," Anakin replied.  Obi-Wan didn't know how to reply.  Anakin looked back down at his unconscious wife lying beside him in silence.  "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

"I'm quite sure she will," Obi-Wan said.  "She loves you, does she not?"

"After this? I don't know anymore."

"The path to forgiveness is long," Obi-Wan said.  "But together, I think you two can traverse it much quicker than most."

Anakin looked up at Obi-Wan, now holding Akya's limp hand.  "Thank you for caring about us," he said.  "Even when I broke your trust.  Even when I didn't care about you."

"There's many things you deserve, Anakin.  One of them is to be cared for.  After all you've gone through, that is something I can say for sure."

a.n.:

this chapter right here is some of the greatest writing i have ever ever done. ever. literally idk how the spirit of obi-wan kenobi possesed me while i wrote this? i just read this chapter sometimes.  i'd write a whole book of just anakin and obi wan talking. 

don't forget to vote 

molly