Tronnor One-Shots

Hands (iii)

A/N: This is the third and final part of my Big Black Lies/House of Glass mini series. Hope you like this little finale!

"Evan, sweetie, have you ever heard of the word divorce?"

When Evan shook his head, his hazel-green eyes wide with question, I'd be lying if I said my heart could take it in the least. This was the last thing I wanted to do. Divorce, his mom leaving him behind; the last thing I wanted to explain to my small, sweet child. I looked away so he wouldn't see my cry as I thought deeper; what would the future be like? Teenage Evan, adult Evan: he would always remember this moment, or at least the impact of it. He wouldn't remember his mom or probably ever having one in his life, but he would remember the moment I told him how my mistakes altered his childhood. Mashed into a horrifying total, all this would be a lasting wound, I knew. And I so wanted to protect him at all costs but, even at the young age he was, I couldn't hide it from him forever. He would notice eventually.

"What's divorce, Daddy?" He asked after a few moments, when I didn't answer.

When I turned back, I willed myself to smile a little like nothing was wrong. "Divorce is when two married people, like me and Mommy, don't want to be married anymore." I explained, trying my best to seem okay. "We sign some papers, give them to a judge, and then poof, we aren't husband and wife anymore. That's what Mommy and I are doing."

"Oh!" Evan exclaimed. "I know what that is! Josh's parents did that too. But..." He scooted a little closer to me, hugging his teddy bear. "...his mommy didn't say she was leaving and slam the door. Mommy did that, so why didn't Josh's?"

Pained, I ruffled his strawberry blonde hair and wrapped my arms around his little body. He was quite compact for his age, short and a little chubby, like I was. He had my mouth, my ears and my animated personality. He loved to draw, he had a temper, was a little shy and a cat lover at heart. He was so clearly a part of me, and I had to choose my words carefully in order to keep my little boy safe from devastation. "Well, divorce is different with different couples." I said with forceful animation. "Sometimes both people really want to do it, because they want to try new things or they aren't happy or maybe they fell out of love..."

"Out of love?" Evan repeated in awe. "I thought people only fell in love."

"Not really, sweetheart." I smiled and shook my head. "People fall out of love all the time, just like maybe you like Cheerios for breakfast every morning but, after lots and lots, you don't really like eating them anymore and you want to try another cereal. Or maybe eggs."

"Is that what happened to you and Mommy?"

"Yes, it happened a long time ago." I admitted, knowing that that was true. "But we waited much too long to get a divorce." I sighed, knowing that was even more true. "Sometimes, when that happens, people get very unhappy and decide to get divorced because something goes wrong."

Evan watched me curiously. "Like what?"

"Like, maybe one person did something really mean to the other. Like lying or kissing another person. Sometimes they can forgive each other but..." I took a deep breath, "...sometimes they leave and never speak to each other again."

Evan leaned his head on my shoulder, his giant eyes full of questions still. He seemed a little sad, but the curiosity in his body matched that. "Did you kiss another lady, Daddy?" He asked innocently.

I thought about it for a moment, before I whispered shamefully. "I kissed a man, sweetie." My heart pounded like it had been all night. "I like kissing boys more than girls, and I didn't tell Mommy that."