Shadows of devotion (AHS Kai Anderson Fanfiction)

Not a date

October 20th - 2016

By the time I arrived home from work, the sky had darkened, and my stomach was protesting, having only been fed a cup of tea. With a sigh, I tossed my keys onto the counter and plugged my phone in beside them.
My father had paid for my home when I started college. It wasn't extravagant, but it was sufficient. It stood as a simple one-story home with a cozy living room adorned with a TV, a game console, a coffee table strewn with notebooks and art supplies, a spacious gray sofa, and a lamp nestled beside it. The house boasted a fairly decent kitchen, two bathrooms, and two bedrooms; one of which I designated for school work and personal projects.

I walked into the living room and collapsed onto the couch, closing my eyes in an attempt to unwind. However, freed from the distractions of work, my thoughts inevitably drifted back to my personal life. Last night's events replayed in my mind, memories flooding back, stirring up a mix of emotions about Winter's potential reaction if she found out and Kai's well-being post-incident. I couldn't help but wonder how he was faring at this very moment. My teeth lightly bit into my bottom lip as thoughts of him consumed me.
I acknowledged the wrongness of our actions and the guilt gnawed at me, yet my heart raced at the mere thought of having been with Kai Anderson. Despite his reputation as an asshole and being my best friend's brother, he possessed a captivating charm, genuine care, honesty, humor, and an undeniable sex appeal, heightened even more by our recent encounter. Admittedly, I'd harbored a crush on him since high school. Over the years, those feelings had ebbed, becoming manageable, but Kai had a knack for resurfacing in my thoughts, even invading my dreams. Despite my shame, the thrill of being with him still lingered.
As I dwelled on the image of his disappointed face in response to my rejection this morning, a pang of guilt washed over me. Had I misjudged the situation as merely a drunken misstep for both of us? Or did it hold deeper significance for Kai? And if it did, could I continue to turn him away? Unquestionably, he was the most satisfying partner I'd ever had - a fact I couldn't deny. Yet, I couldn't allow myself to view him in that light. Despite any desires for him, he remained Winter's brother.

Let's face it, Winter cherished Kai, but their relationship had been strained. Following their parents' passing, Kai's demeanor turned icy and his temper volatile, leading to countless clashes between them. Their stark political differences only worsened their strained bond. I couldn't risk jeopardizing our friendship over a fleeting moment or a childhood crush. It couldn't happen again.

With a heavy sigh, I forcibly pushed thoughts of the Anderson's out of my mind, determined to distract myself. I feared that dwelling on Kai would reignite old feelings, a risk I wasn't willing to take.

After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, my stomach growled once more, prompting me to make my way to the kitchen. Despite the lack of recent grocery shopping, I hoped to find something edible among the sparse contents of my fridge and cabinets. Sifting through the limited options, I only managed to uncover my stash of sweets and snacks. As I pondered what meal I could muster from these rations, my phone buzzed, interrupting the silence of my empty home.
Setting aside my culinary struggles, I closed the fridge and stepped over to the counter, leaning forward as I retrieved my phone. The name flashing on the lock screen ignited a flurry of emotions. Why was Kai reaching out to me? With a racing heart, I unlocked my phone and read the message.

“I want to talk. Let's grab something to eat. Thirty minutes?” Beneath the invitation, an address awaited.

Well that sure was ironic timing. I deliberated for a long moment, my thumbs poised over the keyboard as I weighed my response. While meeting up with him might not be the wisest choice, perhaps a conversation was necessary – to clarify that nothing could transpire between us, of course. As I teetered towards declining, another message materialized on my screen.