𝐀𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 [𝐕𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤]

- 𝟑 -

{Jungkook's Letter}

Mentality is a agathokakological versatile marionette, health is a dependent variable for mentality and lastly, sociability is a malleable phantom border.

They all interfuse like how magnets attract Iron.

Minds can detect facades, and protect images. Health confirms "strength and weakness." Sociability-

Sociability is my weakness.

I won't accelerate the story, I'll be pressing the breaks very frequently.

Sadly, my story will begin in the next letter because I'm currently going through an emotionally unstable situation that I'll like to get off my chest.

I'm not happy with my body.

I never was and I don't think I'll ever settle for being at peace with it however, my low self esteem does not stop me from sharing parts of myself with other individuals.

People on the outside who has heard my story would say "You use sex as a coping mechanism." When in reality; Sex is my only solution.

I use sex to distract people from various situations and not once did anyone notice nor try to stop me.

As much as I do loath my body, sex is not sacred to me.

As you may know...

But the complication is having sexual intercourse with someone I'm emotionally attached to. If I have any romantic feelings for you, sex is the last thing on my mind regarding you.

Now, this leads us to where my current problem resonates.

I had sex with my best friend last week.

The best friend I so happened to sleep with is the same one I developed romantic feelings for.

We've know each other for so long to the point where all the I love you's roll off our tongue in the midst of sleep.

But since I've actually taken an amorous liking towards them; The I love you's that's been coming out of my mouth taste unpleasant.

There's a significant difference between telling a close friend you love them, and telling a close friend who you have closeted feelings for...you love them.

I can't say I love them however, I can't say that what I feel about them is minimum.

The time period of my adolescent years were wasted on me giving a fuck about another persons thoughts on me.

And I've been slowly easing back into that habit.

It's fucked up to me though because every time I feel like I've improved mentally; The actions I do physically shows opposite.

Last night I was on the phone telling a close friend "I don't act differently for them what the fuck. I act different for me so they can
benefit from it as well, duh."

An inhumane laugh was what I got for a response. At the time, I really was trying to find what was funny about what I said. But now I understand how that statement proves that I'm not doing anything for me intentionally.

I just like thinking I'm doing things for me knowing It will never be for me.

I never expected us to cross the phantom boundaries we had. At least not the way we did, or even how we did.

I would've made our first time special.

But I ruined it.

Any fraction of serenity that knocks on my door, I kick out. If I feel like I don't deserve it, I won't have it until I need it.

I contradict myself on what I'm worthy of. My heart beat tells me what I need to hear, and my brain tells me what I want to hear. I choose what I don't fear.

If I can't listen to the only source that keeps me alive, How am I ever going to live?

I love to tamper with the good, and tweak it til it's vile.

I bet that's something I got from you, and I'll be damned to find out.

By,
JK

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A/N

Okay so one thing abt me is that I love to learn big words and just use them lmfao. And my world play jus makes so much sense to me but if yall are confused jus lmk i'll change it.

I genuinely love you.
Hit my dms if you ever want to talk ꨄ.

Thank you for reading <3.

- Sincerely,
Val ♡︎