𝐀𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 [𝐕𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤]

- 𝟔 -

[Jungkook's p.o.v]

My eyes slowly trail up from my grunge boots to him, and I can't help but wonder what's hes thinking about.

My therapist and I have never held eye contact; so it is hard for me to read him however, the way he sits and makes noise to assure me he's listening is so enticing.

He's not exactly man spreading, but he's not sitting upright either. It's more of a calm smug sit. Legs spread but not too wide. His back is fully resting on the chair, and both his elbows are resting on the arms of the chair; as his arms fold inwards so his hands can be clasped on his stomach.

Every time I respond to him he would make a small humming sound, and nod his head slightly back and forth.

Sometimes he would continue to stare at me and just write on his notepad, or raise an eyebrow silently requesting if there's more, and my mouth moves on its own.

I feel like he's playing a mind game on me.

"What does sex mean to you?" my therapist questions with an intense gaze on the paper laying upon his lap: Biting the cap of his ink pen.

I believe love and lust are two completely different feelings that merge and masquerade into one's mind and heart.

With love comes lust, and with lust you can create love. But there's no way lust can outweigh love. There's more energy you have to put in when love is involved.

Love comes with more sacrifice, maturity, doubt, selfishness, and selflessness.

It's up to you to know which one you'd rather fight for to stay, because you'll never tell which one is trying to get away.

"A physical placebo," I whisper with my eyes zoned in on my boots. My tongue subconsciously peeking out the corner of my mouth, rubbing against my piercing.

"And why is that?," he presses.

"Because I know exactly when it'll come and go," I breathe out.

"Mhm."

ꨄꨄꨄ

The corners of my mouth begins to twitch upward as I realize the reason for the silence resonating within these walls. I hold up my hands in surrender and tilt my head back just a little. "No pun intended," I comment.

He shares one of those awkward laughs of dismissal.

"Would you like to elaborate?," he asks. "Because what I got out of your answer was that you feel as if you already know what's the cause and effect of sex in your life. You know how it's going to happen and you know when it's going to end, so you're prepared for when it's gone."

Exactly.

"You can tell me if I'm wrong by all means. That's just what I got from your wording," he adds still staring at the fucking paper with such interest.

"You're right," I confirm, my tone drowning in self pity as I slowly nod my head back and forth, picking the cuticles that's surrounding my fingers as I zone out.

"Okay I understand," he says, pressing the tip of his pen onto his paper before he starts his note taking.

"Before we get to the important conversation next appointment I'm going to ask you question based off of what I've read in your letter," he warns.