Onsra

Chapter 07

How much can a person grieve and still not say it openly? Here I was controlling my tears in front of this man who is doing all these efforts to win me over and I'm not feeling an ounce of change I used to feel around him. My heart is still pulling me to just hug this man tightly and take away all his pains but my mind is saying otherwise. What it will be to surrender myself to a man I lost my all? I don't want these thoughts to linger around me anymore for I'm clearly not ready to give him a chance. But, then again, why is my heart breaking to see him disheartened. Oh how complicated this love is! Just how it makes me nauseous to experience all these commotions again!

I left his room with no intentions of turning back. My heart's palpitating for no reason. I'm not satisfied with the idea of spending my days with this man. Not now. Never in the upcoming future.

The morning came faster than expected or was it just me who was troubled with her sleep. I've made up my mind to act as if he's invisible in this household. He was, ever since, a ghost, stating by the amount of attention I gave him each day. Proceeding with my usual breakfast, I tried hurrying up a bit because today was the day; this house will have more members meaning more chaos.

I recieved a mail from Dhriti describing her cause of staying here, at the very house I'm passing my days in; and she's not alone. Ofcourse, Joshua is tagging along. Now I just have to ignore this puppy in my house and I'm good to go. Without being unnecessarily questioned.

"Just the last spoon, please."

"No I'm fed up Atashi."

Well! I originally planned to go out unnoticed but then I saw this puppy coming downstairs with groovy eyes and fatigue figure. My inner emotions surfaced quite before my brain acknowledged and now I'm taking care of this stupid young adult.

Dhriti and Joshua arrived late in the afternoon, for sure, surprised to see another human being in my house. They didn't question why, which I'm truly grateful for.

If I thought that Yuvaan was annoying 24/7 then you sure have to see him, when he's sick. Initially, I had this thought of pretending to be his nanny but the situation in which I'm right now is saying otherwise. He wasn't ready to let me go for a minute. And what's so difficult in saying no to an absolute adult?  That he doesn't listen. I tried going out with Dhriti but he got all snobby; then I tried giving him medicines saying I've got work left untouched so to gain my attention he threw those in the dustbin; he refused initiating a conversation with the two and was passed out in the balcony because of his tantrums.

After tolerating all of his Ill-mannered brat behaviour, I allowed him to be with me. How stupid of me!

Now, I'm preparing dinner with Dhriti and to make it hella awkward, Yuvaan is hugging me from behind. The tension in this room is too high and I'll do anything to just pass this room and apparently this house.

Like heavens answered my call, I was called to submit some documents earlier than the said date and the client informed of his urgency. I turned to Yuvaan and he stepped back. He nodded to me as if indicating that I should hurry. I collected my stuffs and my bag before running out of the house.

"Ashi—", Yuvaan's voice came hesitantly. I turn around to answer but before that he put a muffler around my neck and ears; with a little smile,he mouthed, "stay safe."

For some reason, it warmed my heart.

Yuvaan is not a bad man. What he did to me was probably immaturity and teenage hormones. To list his good deeds will sure take a page. How he never yelled at me is first. I irritated him a lot, for more than three years, I was with him like a baby duckling following her mother. He never said a word though. There were times he would make some stupid jokes and no one will laugh at it but me, or the time where he was not single and his girlfriend threatened me. He stood for me like a shadow and I cussed at him so much only to find out how he even warned his friends, not to make me cry. He's a silly boy with just sunshine energy around him. He used to light up my rainy days.

Now when I look back, I only got away from that town because his negligence did a greater impact on me than his sunshine energy. I couldn't bear being so close yet so far away from him. So I decided to let it go. I decided to just let him be happy, wherever and with whosoever he wants to.

Never in my wildest fantasies, I thought of meeting him again. Never in a way, where his body trembles with a mere thought of me going away. I loved him. Maybe I still do love him. But what he feels for me can be witnessed by all here. His feelings for me are so deep that it feels like an enigma. Like I'll step away and he'll collapse. It's fearful at times. His eyes says it all.

His love for me is like an already shredded thread bounding us together and a mere pull will do us apart. With that he'll fall. He'll fall so much harder because this thread is the only thing he's holding onto. Holding onto...,to grab me in his hold. As if his world will lose its mana if I deny his hold.

That's why I'm afraid. Afraid to love him again. This love is so powerful for me that it'll ruin me if I step in it's boundaries. It'll destroy my sanity to be away from Yuvaan if I ever hold him like he do to me.