It Hurts To Love You

Chapter 26

When Jin arrived at the terminal, he breathe out. He was thinking about Jungkook for the whole trip. He does not know anyone in Singapore, nor anybody who can actually tell him what really happened to Jungkook.

The only person he can trust, Taehyung, did not even trust him. He did not even tell him what happened to Jungkook. The last time they talked about Jungkook, Taehyung said he accepted the promise ring he gave. Which only means, Jungkook already let go of the promise they made for each other years ago.

Jin thought he was cool with that since he is okay with Taehyung, too. But is he really okay with Taehyung?

As he arrived at their shared apartment, he went straight to his shared bedroom with Taehyung. He thought about the conversation he had with Jimin today and last year.

Jungkook was sick even before he left. Taehyung said the patient wanted to meet someone in Seoul hospital and that was how he had the accident.

Unknown to Jimin, he agreed in meeting Jungkook last year for them to have their closure and for Jin to return the promise ring. Taehyung knew about this when they formally started their relationship. However, Jungkook never came. Jin's eyes were already teary knowing now the reason why Jungkook never came to the hospital that night. He hated Jungkook for a long time and for making him suffer, but he also made Jungkook suffer. If only he did not responded to Jungkook, he must have been safe that day.

Jin cried realizing what he did to his best friend. A lot of things are now on his mind. Is he still alive? Is he still comatose? Where is he? How is he? All these things are making his mind go crazy.

Why did Taehyung asked for them to be engaged that quickly? Is Taehyung hiding more from him? What is with Taehyung wanting to lock him in marriage that quick? Jin thought it's too good and something that he wouldn't want to miss, considering Taehyung had been too nice to him and he really love the man. But is love the only reason why Taehyung proposed to him? Or is he scared and unable to trust Jin?

He was lost in all these thoughts when Taehyung opened their door.

He smiled upon seeing Jin back from Busan.

"Jagiya, you're back." He said and was about to hug Jin when the latter turned to him, swollen eyes and still with tears flowing down his face. "Oh my god, Jin, what happened?" He asked, quickly sitting beside Jin on the bed and about to hug him when Jin pushed him instead.

Taehyung was surprised by Jin's action.

"Do you trust me?" Jin asked.

"Of course, jagiya, what happened? Were you hurt on your way back here? Did you meet Jimin?"

"I met Jimin."

"Did he do this?" Taehyung asked.

"No. I want to know the truth, Taehyung. Who is the patient we've talked about that refused to have the surgery with you in it?"

Taehyung looked away from Jin.

"Was it Jungkook?" He asked again.

"Jin, look..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jin asked with tears flowing down his face again. "What happened to Jungkook? Why did you not tell me that Jungkook was your patient?!" Jin asked but Taehyung was silent.

Taehyung moved away a little from Jin, unable to find the courage to tell Jin the real reason why he did not tell him.

"Taehyung, what happened to Jungkook?"

"I don't know. After the failure of the surgery, he was comatose. I met his parents briefly but they told me that he will take him to another hospital. That is all I know." Taehyung said to Jin.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Taehyung looked down.

"Taehyung! Why did you not tell me?!" Jin asked shouting at Taehyung.

Taehyung looked at him while breathing heavily. "Because of this, Jin. Because I know you will act like this! Because you will be out of your mind again thinking about Jungkook! Because no matter how I do things for you, it will always be Jungkook! Because no matter how much I show my love for you, you will always love him more than me! No matter how sure you are that you will marry me, at the back of your mind, you will still want to marry Jungkook. And if I tell you, I am sure you will do your best to be there for him even with all the pain that he caused you, because you will never love someone like you have loved him. Because I will never be above him. I will always be in competition with him. I secretly wished he won't push through with the surgery because I was scared that he'll take you away from me eventually. I was scared that if he'll have the reason to live longer, he will come running back to you and that you'll accept him. But I was also scared for him to die because he is like my brother. I was scared that you will be happier with him, I am scared, Jin. I am scared that you will leave me." Taehyung said crying.

Jin looked at him with mixed emotions. Anger, sadness, pain, feeling of betrayal.

"That's what you think of me eversince we have started this? What did I ever do that made you doubt my love for you? You said you trust me."

"I do but---"

"But when it comes to Jungkook, you still don't. Tae, I have chosen you even when I know I can choose him. I said yes to you even when I know I can come back running to him and he will accept me. Despite of him attempting to get in touch with me, I chose you. I told you how many times he tried to get in touch with me through my mom, but I chose us.

I have loved you not because Jungkook is missing in my life. I have loved you because you are Taehyung and I don't see any reason for me to feel anything less of you during our relationship. I have given my whole faith in you.

I have trusted you with my whole life. I have told you every single detail of my life eversince we have started dating. When I said I love you, that includes surrendering my life to you. That includes me trusting you and that includes me choosing you over anyone else.

Jungkook was my bestfriend. I deserve to know what happened to him but that does not mean I will choose him over you. My commitment to you is genuine and I hoped you have trusted me on that."

Jin stopped talking while Taehyung regretted his actions.

Jin pulled out the ring from his finger and gave it back to Taehyung.

Tae looked at him with wide eyes.

"Jin..."

"I can't be in a relationship full of doubts and mistrust. If you can't trust me, let me go. I think we have jumped in to this relationship too fast just because we fell in love with each other, not because we really wanted each other. For you, it's always competition with Jungkook. For me, it's my whole life surrendered to you. Maybe we can think more if we still have the same goal within this relationship." Jin said then stood up. "I will stay in the other room again starting tonight."

Jin left Taehyung feeling empty and alone in that room.

I was crying writing this. My TaeJin heart. I'm sorry.