Sins of the Summer

Chapter 5

"Kia! What are you doing here, bud?" daddy asks with a bright smile when I push Kyrie's stroller into his shop. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you while you were in the hospital having Kyrie."

"Hi daddy, and it's okay that you didn't," I answer with my own smile, and I stop the stroller in front of him, so he can look down at Kyrie.

"May I hold him?" daddy quietly asks while looking fondly at his grandson.

Instead of verbally answering him, I step around to the side of the stroller to unbuckle the sleeping baby, and carefully pick him up, and place him in daddy's arms. Daddy spends the next couple of minutes cooing, and softly talking to Kyrie.

"So, what's his full name, you never told me?" daddy asks, looking up at me with tears misting in his eyes.

"Um, his full name is Kyrie Grayson St. James," I answer with a proud smile toward him and my baby. "Um, Kyrie because it follows the 'K' first name, and Grayson is the first name of his other father."

"Speaking of his other father, I have a question that should have been asked months ago," daddy says seriously. "Have you tried searching for Grayson on social media?"

"I would if I knew his last name," I mumble, feeling very stupid and ashamed. "I can just hope that he's around again this summer, so I can tell him that we have a child together, and introduce them, if Grayson wishes."

Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not ashamed of my son in any way. I'm ashamed and stupid for the fact that I didn't ask for Grayson's last name, or his phone number, or some way to contact him again. 

Daddy looks at me as if I'm joking, but when I don't give him the slightest hint that I am, he lets out a soft sigh as he looks back down at Kyrie. He doesn't comment on my answer, and I know I've disappointed him yet again. Harshly biting my lower lip, needing the pain to stop myself from crying, knowing I've done another thing to make him wish I wasn't his child. We stay for a couple of more minutes before I tell him that we should be leaving, so I can help mama and Marcus at their shop.

Slowly making our way back to the boutique, the entire time, I'm mentally cursing myself for all the ways that I've disappointed daddy in my life. By the time we've arrived at the boutique, my self-loathing has reached an all-time high. I'm clenching my jaw, trying to keep myself from crying because now I'm wondering if mama and Marcus are disappointed in me, too, and perhaps I'll ask them when we're at home tonight.

"Everything alright, son?" mama questions with a concerned expression when I've settle Kyrie and I at the stool behind the counter.

Looking at her from Kyrie's face with a quiet answer; "Um, yeah, I've just got a question for you and Marcus when we're home."

"Okay, baby," she softly answers with a deep frown as she searches my face. "Do you want to talk to us now, the boutique is empty right now?"

Chewing on my lower lip as I debate with myself, I let out a soft sigh while mumbling; "I'm sure I've disappointed daddy because I don't know Grayson's last name to let him know about Kyrie. He acted like I did that and got pregnant with Kyrie deliberately, and I promise I didn't do either deliberately. I'm sorry for disappointing you and Marcus, too."

Sniffling as I drop my gaze back down to Kyrie with a watery smile with tears slipping down my cheeks, and drip onto Kyrie's blanket. I don't even dare to peak at mama or Marcus, who heard me, because I don't want to see their disappointment on their faces.

"Kai Edward St. James, you stop that nonsense right this minute," mama softly demands. "Look at me, please."

Slowly bringing my gaze up to her's, I find that she's looking back at me with the softest and kindest eyes; "You haven't disappointed Marcus or me, not at all. I'm sure you haven't disappointed your dad either, but would directly asking him make you feel better, and finally know for sure that you haven't disappointed him either? I can go with you if you want to ask him directly."

Sniffling again while wiping away the tears with my free hand as I think over her words for a silent moment before softly saying; "I guess I could ask daddy outright if he's disappointed in me, but I'd rather do this alone. Thank you for your offer though."

"Go talk to him now, and we'll keep Kyrie here with us," Marcus offers, and mama steps forward with her arms outstretched to have me place Kyrie in her arms.

Staring down at him for a few seconds before standing up, and placing him gently in her arms with a thankful smile; "Thanks. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Don't rush, baby, take your time, and have a good conversation with your dad about this," mama gently assures, and I nod in understanding, but I'm sure that our conversation won't be a long one.

Making my way back to daddy's used bookstore, I enter the shop, my eyes searching around for daddy, and I find him at the register, checking someone out. Slowly walking over to him, I wait silently for them to finish, and for the customer to leave before making eye contact with my father, who is looking at me weirdly.

Before he can even say anything, I quickly ask; "Are you disappointed in me for becoming pregnant with Kyrie, and not knowing what Grayson's last name is, in order to contact him about our son?"

Daddy instantly frowns at me with a strange expression; "Kai, why do you think I'm disappointed in you? Is it because of our conversation earlier today? I never meant for you to feel that way, I just feel as though if you hadn't had a summer fling with that boy, you wouldn't be in the situation that you're currently in."