When the Heart Sings (Chasing Celestine #1)

Chapter 33

This chapter contains materials of highly sensitive natures including S/H behaviors and thoughts, and mental health topics that may be triggering for some individuals. Reader discretion is advised.

CHAPTER 33

With A Smile

The start of the year... was still like before. Walang naging pagbabago. Nagkasundo lang sila mommy, daddy, at papa, maybe for us. But other than that, ganoon pa rin.

Wanting to call Alceo for help when my thoughts are killing me... literally... again, pero dahil wala pang pasok, nakikita ko ang madalas na pagsasama nilang dalawa ni Agnes. And I also heard, daddy is in a conference in Taiwan, kaya automatic na magkasama na naman sila ni Alceo.

Pagod. That's how I can describe myself emotionally and mentally. Pagod pero hindi pa rin kayang tumigil.

I spent the remaining break swimming, hanging out with my brothers, and the band. Ang huling beses na nakita ko si Alceo ay noong December 26, after Christmas. Pumunta siya sa bahay at nakipaglaro kasama sila Kuya Theodore.

He promised me a date after New Year, but he kept rescheduling it dahil pagkatapos din ng New Year, isang linggong wala si daddy. That means, mag-isa... at malungkot si Agnes.

While taking a bath after practicing swimming, I looked at both wrists.

Regret, disappointment, anger, pain, pity... all those emotions flashed before me. While doing these scars on me, I felt like I was in control of my emotional pain. But now, seeing these things I inflicted on myself, I feel defenseless. A total failure. A fucked up girl... inside and out. A broken, scarred soul, who needed the saving but didn't get any from the boy she wanted, so she took control instead.

I needed him to save me. Only him. Because I felt like only him can take away the pain. Not Karim, not the band, not even myself. Kasi simula pa lang noong una, siya na ang hinayaan kong kontrolin ako. Siya lang. Kaya kung ano man ang sasabihin niya, iyon lang din ang susundin ko. He's my master and I'm his slave. That's how it has always been.

Not only that, he's the standard for me. I made him my standard. I made him my lifeline. I made him my god.

Ako:
Alceo, ikaw ang date ko sa Academy Day, ha?

Alceo:
Of course, princess!

Ako:
Promise?

I want to seal it. Kahit ngayon lang, ako muna.

Alceo:
Promise.

The Academy Day is the most awaited school event for Northern High Academy. May iba't ibang klaseng rides sa school grounds, different food booths, games, and performances from various bands and dance crews. Isa kami sa magpe-perform doon.

Kaya few days before, nagre-rehearse na kami para sa mga tutugtugin namin.

Apart from that, mas napapadalas ang training ko sa swimming dahil next month na ang Nationals. Sanay na ako sa mga kompetisyon. But this time, I don't know... I'm damn nervous... I feel like I won't make it. Ngayon lang ako nawalan ng kumpiyansa sa sarili. Maybe because other than the school's pride, something bigger is at stake here. My scholarship.

I wore a gray cropped top, black leggings, and white sneakers for Academy Day. Iba't ibang klaseng bracelets ang suot ko sa magkabilang pulsuhan ko, plus a thick-strapped watch on my right wrist to cover up the scars.

"Ang dami mo namang bracelet?" Turo ni Karim sa mga kamay ko nang nasa sasakyan na kami.

I smirked to hide my panicky mode. "I-Idol kita, eh..."