My Best Friend's Brother

Chapter 16

"In ten years from now I don't want to be just another name. In ten years I still want to be in your life. In ten years I want someone to stop you on the street and ask how you're doing and bring up my name. In ten years from now I don't want your answer to be 'I haven't seen her in ages'. In ten years from now I hope you say 'She's waiting for me at home'. But in life you never always get what you want."

"I want you to find someone who smiles at you every time you walk in the door. Who finds beauty in your scars. I want you to find someone who never leaves you guessing. Someone who lets you know for certain how they always feel about you. I want you to find someone who never hesitates to love you. I want you to find someone who knows just how special you really are. How you need to be loved. I want you to find someone who is your biggest supporter. Who doesn't just seek attention but gives it in return. But more than anything... I want to be that person for you. But in life you never always get what you want."

"Instead years will pass, missing you and being a stranger to those I love. But no matter how far we grow apart I will never fully be rid of you. The process of growing apart has a beginning but never an end." Rachel finished reading my latest rough draft of the book I spent all weekend writing.

I paced around in my living room, biting my nails waiting to hear her thoughts on it. "Well? It's different from anything else I've written. It's not the typical fairy tale ending, I know. But I can't bring myself to write happy, love-stricken stories right now." I muttered as caffeine coursed through my veins.

"It's beautiful, Bethany." She expressed in awe as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. "But should I be worried about you? What happened in Alabama?" Rachel asked, tossing my rough draft on the counter.

"No, yeah, of course. I'm fine. I'm better than fine." I rambled still feeling the buzz of all the coffee I've drank from only having a few hours of sleep. "I'm thriving, I-I'm popular and rich and successful and talented. I accomplished everything I've ever wanted. I've done everything I set out to do." I listened, unable to stop moving, afraid that if I did I could crumble.

"That you did." She replied, studying me closely clearly noticing that I was spiraling. "So what if I'm almost thirty and not married with children." I scoffed through my heartache. "Or the fact that my only friend here is my publisher. Or the fact that I still don't have a social life or someone to come home to. I mean for God sake, I don't even have a dog!" I expressed as she watched me hesitantly, as though I was a ticking bomb.

"My whole life I looked down on those types of people. Thinking love was just a story to write about. I didn't think there was a point to any of it since no one had ever genuinely loved and pursued me." I began to vent to her as she stood listening to me.

"It's because you're attractive, Bethany. Guys are intimidated by hot women thinking that we're bitches or already dating someone." She explained making me scoff. "So, I never had a boyfriend when I was young and ugly and now guys are too intimidated to even approach me, not that I am attractive? Life's a joke." I slumped into my couch.

"What's going on, Beth?" She sat down beside me. "I'm just sick of it! I'm sick of this. I'm sick of doing everything right and still feeling empty. I swore to myself that I would accomplish everything I wanted and I did. And I did. Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful and proud of myself for it. But now that I have it all... I don't know." I breathed rubbing my face feeling burnt out.

"You should take a break, honey. Don't worry about writing anything else. Your fans will understand and will be waiting for you when you get through whatever it is you're going through." Rachel sympathized. "You should just go on vacation. A real vacation to Hawaii or Bali or something. I always thought Jamaica would be a neat place to visit." She chirped enthusiastically, making me crack a smile.