You'll Always Have My Shoulder When You Cry

Hurt?

Go easy on me, baby
I was still a child
Didn't get the chance to
Feel the world around me
I had no time to choose
What I chose to do
So go easy on me

—Easy On Me by Adele

After washing Luca's face actually, I don't even know if it's called washing your face when you just take a clothes but whatever. Luca is holding my hand right now. He's looking at the floor as usual. I fucking messed up like always. I gestured for him to sit on the bed. I sat on the bed and he flinched. Okay...I'm just—ughh. I suck at apologies. I'm usually the one that just lets it be and we'll get up in the morning and forget it but...This time I can't. Damn, it...Why me?? Maybe I should have practiced. Nah I'm too lazy.

Luca sat on the bed but his entire body was shaking and trembling. Wtf do I do? Comfort him? Yeah, that's a good idea. Uh, how? How the hell do you comfort... Screw it I'll just wing it.

"Luca? " Shit I should have planned it. 

What did I have to do? Right, apologize for being an asshole. How do I ugh fuck this. I'll say 'sorry'...Damn, how the hell do you...Just listen to Nike and fucking do it. Did I just take parenting advice from a sports brand? What the fuck I'm a parent? Oh yeah, I am. Of course, I am fuck Luca's literally right in front of me! Oh shit, I have to speak. How do I do that? Fuck this is more stressful than my actual job! 

I got up from the bed and knelt. Luca saw that and flinched— Ouch, that hurt my feelings but okay whatever can't blame you 'cause I would flinch too—He hugged his knees and you guessed it his head was still down. Wow so wonderful! I know why he looks so scared but...

Ugh, he's cute. I just called someone cute and I'm saying sorry. What's next I'll be willingly hugging Matt. Ew no. Did I just say 'ew'? Okay off topic I always do this. Avoid shit and well distract myself with other random shit. Maybe I can say sorry later. Nah' I anit procrastination either. But...NO!

"Luca?"Why the fuck do I keep using his name? I know what pronouns are!

"I... I need to talk to you about something." He dug his nail into his arm while looking down...

That's it I've had it. I hate seeing him so....scared. He's a kid. He deserves to be a spoiled brat and whine about everything and anything and be carefree, not scared. Not looking at the floor. Not have so many burn marks. Not have so many knife cuts. And all of those scars were because of me. If I could have fucking self-defense I could have stopped Emily. 

Luca hugged his knees tighter. I'm scaring him.

"I'm sorry" He didn't deserve any of this. Why couldn't it be me? He's just a kid. Those scars are not meant for him. I deserve them not him.  Shit, I'm crying. Ugh fuck feeling.

Luca must have I don't know why but he looked at me like I had three heads I would have found it amusing if I wasn't so fucking depressed. I was nervous I don't know what the fuck was I thinking 

I smiled. Sheepeshily while crying. That's...messed up. Luca was looking at me like I had four heads now and you couldn't have said that the same boy was afraid two seconds ago.

"I-I forgot what I was going to say. Okay, I'm going start again" Luca had a small tiny tiny smile with was there for a millisecond and replaced by fear. I wanted him to look at me with those big, innocent eyes that looked exactly like mine but way cuter but instead, he was curled up into a ball hugging his knees with his face (now) buried.

"Do you remember when I uh got mad in the bathroom" Luca looked up at me with big bloodshot red teary eyes. He nodded and he looked so small and sad. 

"I wasn't mad at you." Luca gave me a clear look that translate to what the fuck are you talking about. He didn't look scared anymore. Yay! He's not scared He's confused that's a good thing, right? Meh. Now how do I explain I was livid because that bitch hurt you?

"I was mad that you got hurt" Now he was looking at me as if I just told him aliens exist. He was confused. Very confused

"H-hu-rt?" Did he speak? Yes, obviously he did there's no one in this room. Ugh, what is wrong with me? Luca's voice was scared really scared but he didn't have an accent. Although I'm Italian I don't have an accent and neither did he. Stop wondering about his accent you idiot he asked you a question dip-shit you're supposed to answer

"Yeah," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. "I was mad that someone hurt you, and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Luca was looking at me now he is still sitting on the bed and I'm kneeling so I could see when he bit his lip.

"You can ask me questions if you want" Luca looked surprised but he hesitantly nodded. Huh.

"W-w-hat h-hu-r-t-s?" It took me a couple more seconds than I would like to admit trying to understand what he meant.

"Do you mean what's the meaning of hurts?" Luca nodded looking down at the floor. Jokes on him cause I'm sitting on the floor

"When you fall or...when you were doing this" I pretended to dig my nail into my arm "It's called getting hurt or feeling pain. It's when you feel something that you don't like" I was explaining it so shityly and I wanted to google the meaning of 'hurt'.

"Pain or getting hurt can happen for different reasons," I continued, "sometimes it's because of accidents or other times, it's because someone or something hurts you on purpose like how you got that sc—thing on your cheek" I explained pointing at the scar on his cheek. I hated how much someone did that and when I saw the scars when Luca removed the hoodie. That bitch took revenge on a fucking kid. 

MY EXAMS ARE OVER!! Wbu?