NEPENTHE

Chapter 5

Growing up without parents at young age is a challenge. You have to rely on others pity and consideration, who aren't obligated to take your responsibility.

To begin with, it's very lonely. Holidays, birthdays, and life events will never be celebrated for you. Yes, you will be asked occasionally to holiday dinners and celebrations with other families, but sometimes that just makes you feel more left out. All the inside jokes, remember whens, that you will never get, and the family intimacy that you can never have.

There is no one to turn to for advice or protection. If you fail or go broke or get sick, there is no one to help you out or take care of you. It's also scary. It's like living a life without a safety net.

It's makes you less confident on yourself. Makes you fragile and vulnerable.

Its that realisation all over again.

Sitting in this very expensive couch in a corner of this huge hall room with lavish decorations, shining lights, jammed with rich people, with rich food and drinks once again Taehyung feels lonely and completely out of place.

Watching the interactions of people around him he was slapped with reality once again that he doesn't belong here.

Watching the way soomin's mom was fussing over her, the way she was pampering her, feeding her tae wondered how it's actually feels to have a mom. Watching the way soomin holding her father's hand complaining about the expensive evening gown she was wearing who just gave her a loving smile and a pat on her head Tae couldn't help but wondered how it feels to have a father's lovely affection and protective net.

Yep 'wondering' that's all he can do. He can only wonder and nothing else, he will never get to feel those beautiful emotions that everyone cherishes them on their hearts forever.

He wasn't blessed with them, not in this lifetime. And sometimes he wonder and asked himself 'why'.

As he's growing up, now he knows why his heart always feels hollow. The hollowness grows whenever he witnesses the pure affectionet exchanged between parents child interaction. Don't get him wrong he loves to see those precious interactions but when he crave it for himself it just hurts,....it hurts so much knowing he will never have that for himself.

Watching Soomin's confident and smug smile standing between her parents, posing for photos, surrounded by her relatives and friends who were flocking areond her, showering with expensive gifts....it's once again a reminder that he is actually have nothing. He's just nobody, an invisible being that no one cares about.
Gosh he feels so pathetic, what is he even doing here!?

He sighs deeply and tried to endulge him a little by observing these rich people and their antics.

Jung Soomin the star of the night. It was her birthday. Her parents threw a grand party like every year.

And as usual jungkook brought him here with him but he didn't want to come. He wasn't invited at first place so he tried to convince jungkook that he shouldn't go uninvited cause its not right and soomin might won't like him being there. But Jungkook didn't listen to him. And when he was about to persuade him more, the disappointed look on jungkook's face shut him up, he didn't dare to protest more and agreed to come at the end.

He is sitting here quit some time, alone. Jungkook was nowhere to be seen. He said his cousins are here he want to meet them first. Its clear that jungkook didn't want him to introduce his family members. And tae's insecurity didn't let him think much of it. He thinks its better. But also hopping to meet Yoonji nuna as he thought she is here too. This thought lifted her mood a little.