~ Your My Ocean~

⁕Hangover⁕

TW (Talk about self-harm)

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I woke up to the sound of the ocean crashing up against the shore and the smell of eggs and bacon that sounded so good right now then the hangover kicked in and my head was pounding I could feel my heartbeat in my head god what did I do last night I ran to the bathroom to throw up this reminded me of summer last year me and Leah there was not a day that went by where we weren't throwing up or waking up on the bathroom floor covered in cheap alcohol and the smell of cigarettes god what I would give to be back there even though I felt like shit mentally I always couldn't remember why in the morning I think that's why I did it to not remember for even a second 

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the blender I walked downstairs trying not to fall on my face with one hand on my head and the other on the railing "Hi there sunshine" Jer said taping me on the nose "It's too early for you to be this happy" I say sitting on one of the chairs he laughed and said "that's because I didn't chug a whole bottle of tequila last night and a pack of cigarettes" I roll my eyes and buried my head in my hand's mom had just left the room after telling steven he was gross for thrusting the air "damm Maddy you are like one step away from being a druggie" steven laughs "dude shut up" Conrad says from the couch I didn't even know he was there "here's a hangover smoothie drink it" Jer says giving me a stern look I would be scared of if I didn't know him. 

"our girl is going to be a debutant," Susanah says holding an envelope I was a deb two summers ago Conrad was my escort that's why Nicole doesn't like me because Conrad chose me over her but Conrad promised me when we were little and Conrad isn't one to break a promise "which one of you is going to be Belly's escort to the ball," Susanah says looking to see the boy's reaction "sorry I swor of balls bells," Jer says plating some eggs "ya I am not doing that either," Steven says Belly looked at Conrad hoping he would say something but he didn't and I could see how much that hurt her "well I don't want any of you to be my escort to the ball I am choosing my own," she says very sternly Mom read something of Wikipedia and said "debutant balls require morals and edict" in a way that was saying belly didn't have any of that and I could see it on Bellys face that it hurt " I'm going for a swim," Conrad says I watch Belly admire Conrad as he takes of his shirt and I knew  she still liked him and i hate that i am letting that get to me 

Susanah and Mom took Belly shopping for a dress and other deb stuff she will need I decided to take a long shower I let the water hit my back and then my face the water was boiling on my skin it was turning a dark red color but I didn't care I sat on the floor of the shower cupping my knees to my chest I just sat in thought or more trying not to think I could feel my scars on my hips and wrists that I have to cover with makeup or bandages when I wear a bathing suit or anything other than a long sleeve I loved my scars I loved how numb I felt I also hated them I sat there for a while then I got out of the shower and decided to get dressed in a crop top over the shoulder shirt that was white with a bikini top under and shorts that barely covered my butt I went over to my bed and pulled a little box from under the bed boards that was big enough to hold to packs worth of cigarettes I grabbed 3 and stuffed them into my back pocket put the box back and made my way to the beach I sat under the dock and proped myself up with one of the pillars I pulled out a cigarette and lit it out of the corner of my eye I saw conrad surfing he looked.... straight out of a movie every thing about him was just absolutely perfect not just the way he looked but the way he talked and the way he stands up for people just the way he is, is just perfect 

He saw me ... shit he stared at me for what felt like forever but was 2 seconds and then at the cigarette in my hand I could see it on his face he was wondering first what the hell I was thinking and second if he should go home or walk towards me he chose to come to towards me he looked down at me with a smirk on his face and I rolled my eyes he sat down next to me we sat there for a minute waiting for one of us to say something he took the cigarette out of my hand and took a hit I tried to grab it out of his hand but he moved it to the opposite side of me "give me my cigarette Conrad" I say in a way that amuses him "your not getting over a hangover by getting high Madison" he said I tucked the front piece of my hair out of my face "Jesus Maddy did I do that" he said and I assume he is talking about the huge bruise on my cheek I had been covering it with my hair and I forgot "its barley anything don't worry about it" I say holding back tears I don't even know why I think it brought back memories that I didn't want I wondered what he would have done if he were there that night and he saw what happened or what could have happened I pulled out another ciggiratte from my pocket and I got up and walked towards the house

 I stepped inside Conrad right behind me "Maddy we have to talk about this," he said and I knew what he wanted to talk about or more wanted to know why I wasn't here last summer or what Steven was talking about at dinner last night, and why I had started smoking and drinking but still I said "about what Conrad there is nothing to talk about" "what about your fucking wri....." he said stopping seeing Jer walk-in I look back at Conrad in shock I was scared I was so fucking screwd and frozen "what's going on guys" Jer said I can't even look at him I was just staring at Conrad I couldn't move tears welled up in my eyes and I turned towards the hall leading to the stairs and walked threw the hall up the stairs and locked myself in my room and let it out all of it 

Hope you enjoyed this chapter sorry I haven't been writing I honestly forgot but if you have any suggestions feel free to comment on them. 😊