~ Your My Ocean~

⁕Presents⁕

TW: Talk of sh 

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"Jeremiah you not doing it right," I told him as he was trying to blow up balloons for belly "Just give it to me," I said rolling my eyes Belly birthday was the same every year Mom made her Mickey Mouse pancakes and we blew up balloons for her we would eat together and then open gifts everyone got a gift for her and then we would pick up Taylor her best friend from the bus station "hi guys," Belly said with a big smile on her face "Morning birthday girl," I said hugging her Everyone took turns hugging her except Conrad  "your pancakes are almost ready," Mom said pulling away from their hug "Actually I'm not hungry," Belly said "oh," Mom said "ok straight to presents then," Susannah said with a smile.

We all sat in the living room Mom gave Belly her present first it was a book with a poem Susannah used to make us resight all the time "Thank you, Mom" Belly said "My turn" Jere jumped up and gave her a small box she opened it, it was a charm of a key "for good luck on your drivers test" he smiled at her. Steven got Belly a sweatshirt with Princeton written on the front "You spent money on me" Belly teased  "It so you won't steal mine" Steven rolled his eyes Mom looked at Steven " I didn't know you were still considering Princeton" she looked at him with a little bit of anger and that's when I tuned them out my mom wasn't the kind of person to wait until the right time which was irritating to say the least "did you know about this" the ringing in my ears stopped and  I snapped back into reality "what?" I say confused "Did you know Steven was planning on going to Princeton?" my mom said, "No I didn't?" I say "Stop lying to me Madison You're supposed to be the oldest you're supposed to look out for your siblings," she says frustrated I got up and left 

I know it wasn't nice of me, especially on Belly's birthday but I was going to cry and I felt like that would have been more selfish of me than to just walk off I was upstairs sitting on my bay window rolling a blunt about to smoke it I remember sitting her reading and laughing with belly when we where little she would talk about Conrad and I would listen because shes my baby sister I would never try to hurt her by telling her I had feelings for him there was a knock at my door snapping me out of my thoughts "ya who is it" I say  "Conrad" my heart stops we hadn't talked still "come in" I said he opened the door slowly and closed it locking it behind him he looked at me and I looked away opening my window so the smell of my blunt wouldn't drift he sat next to me on the window he tried to catch my gaze but my eyes where glued on the ocean

after a few minutes of us sitting there saying nothing he said "Maddie I'm sorry" I took a hit of my blunt and looked at him finally "for what?" I asked "For pushing you to talk to me," he said not breaking eye contact "It's ok" my voice cracked as the words left my mouth it was no secret I was an incredibly sensitive person but I hated it I cried when I had serious conversations or when adults raise there voice a tear rolled down my cheek I wiped it away quick I looked at him and I could see the pain in his eyes and that hurt me more than anything I couldn't stop the tears this time once he realized he hugged me tight I cried into his shirt sobbing "its ok maddie I'm here I'm here," he said I felt so broken in his arms we stayed like that for a while I sat up my face puffy and red I looked at him and there was something there he held my face in his hands and I leaned in slow "maddie I don't think its a good idea," he said turning his head "I'm sorry," I say getting up my heart broke at his words I couldn't belive I would put myself in this position 

"Maddie I didn't mean it like that," he says trying to wipe the tears off my face I push his hand away "You should go" he looks at me and nods slightly he broke down a wall and built it up again god I'm so fucking stupid for letting him in he left my room closing the door behind him I was supposed to go pick up Taylor with Belly and Jeremiah but I guess they thought I needed some time because I heard jere's jeep pull out of the driveway which I was thankful for because if belly came in my room and asked me if I was coming I wouldn't be able to say no, especially on her birthday I laid in my bed trying not to think or do anything stupid like I usually do when my emotions are running high but I couldn't stop myself I started the shower and ran it cold as a last resort and I stepped in fully clothed it was so cold and I laid in the bathtub holding myself crying and shivering I couldn't bring myself to get out of the bath because I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to stop myself. 

***Sorry I haven't been updating in a while and sorry for the almost kiss scene I just thought that it probably wouldn't be in Conrad's character to kiss a girl who is so clearly broken I don't think he would want to add anything else onto her plate if that makes sense but I promise soon very soon there will be some action bye babes😚