Beautiful // Nomin

~24~

Stream "Smoothie," y'all~

----

Jaemin was tired when he got home late that night. Physically and mentally. Physically, because his work always made his body tired, but today also because he had run the moment Jeno's front door had closed behind him, run far, far away to places he didn't know because he didn't know the way back home from Jeno's house and he didn't get on public transportation until he couldn't run anymore. Mentally, because of what drove him to run; he had helped a guy cheat on his girlfriend, and even more, that guy was his crush, and the thought that Jaemin can't have him is already mental torture enough. He was fearful that after all these years of being independent, Jaemin was starting to be dependent on someone.

It wasn't until after Jaemin had stopped blindly running and got on a bus to go home when he started to feel truly emotional and began to cry. Ugh, what was this effect? After that one time he'd cried to Jeno at the gym, it had been so easy to cry about anything now. The little crack that Jeno had made in the hard cover of Jaemin's heart was only getting larger and larger. Hurt that was buried deep, deep down, was getting revealed more every day. Was that a good thing?

So Jaemin was sitting in a seat in the back, next to the side of the bus, crying softly in the dimly lit bus. He didn't want to but he couldn't help it.

Every time the bus stopped for more passengers, Jaemin would cover his face because the brighter lights in the bus would turn on and his face would be exposed to everyone. Had he really run this far? It was taking quite a while to get home.

At about the 4th stop, only one passenger came on and headed to the back. Jaemin, busy covering his face, didn't observe the person who sat down a meter away from him. After the bus lights dimmed again, Jaemin uncovered his face and stared out the window. He didn't notice the guy who'd just come on glance at him one or more times.

"...Jaemin-ssi??"

Jaemin turned his head at his voice being called. Oh hell no, what was Mark Lee doing here?

Jaemin mustered up a small, tired smile and gave Mark a tiny wave, which to his dismay, was Mark's signal to come sit beside him. No, too close. My tears aren't even dried yet.

"How's it goin'?" Mark asked. He and Haechan were always friendly to Jaemin because they liked Jisung so much, although Jaemin didn't return their liking. But he actually didn't interact with Mark nearly as much as with Haechan, so Mark hadn't ever received a phone call of Jaemin yelling to bring Jisung back home from some weird place, as Haechan had received.

Mark's greeting made Jaemin sigh and put his head in his hands. "Just tired," he mumbled.

"Things goin' well?" Mark continued to ask.

Jaemin put a slightly sarcastic smile on his face and chuckled, "Have they ever been?"

"Aw c'mon, don't say that dude," the older boy gave Jaemin a pat on the back. He didn't know too much of what to say, so a silence lingered around them until Mark brought up, "So Jisung told me your birthday's next week."

"Yes, it is."

"That's the same time as the Jeju dance thing."

"Right," Jaemin sighed exasperatedly again.

"He said you really wanted to spend time with him for your birthday, but it's fine now because you're going somewhere else and you don't need him to come along," Mark informed.

"No," Jaemin croaked. "I'm going to see a performance in Seoul and I do want him to come with me, but I know the dance festival is so important to him so whatever, let him go I guess."

"We have been working on it for a long time..." Mark quietly inputted.

"I know. So he's going with you guys. Have fun." Jaemin then seemed wanting to abruptly end the conversation, as he turned back to look out the window. He didn't have the strength or the will to yell at some nice guy like Mark. Haechan was just annoying.

Both boys stayed silent the rest of the ride until Jaemin got off at his stop first and Mark told him to "take care." Jaemin responded under his breath that he'd try.

He had thought of it on the bus ride, and came to the conclusion that love was the problem of everything. His mental state right now, because he loved Jeno. His struggling in letting Jisung go to the festival, because he loved Jisung. Jaemin loved love and he hated it at the same time. He couldn't be self-centered; it just wasn't born in him.

He got to the apartment building and went up the elevator. Jaemin opened the front door quietly just in case Jisung was already asleep, but gave up when to his dismay he saw Jisung's bedroom door open, and his shoes weren't at the front door. Dongsaeng wasn't home again.

Jaemin felt the heat creep up his neck again and to his eyes that already started brimming with tears. He crawled into his bed without changing or doing his bedtime routine, hugging the blanket tightly and sobbing.

In this state, Jaemin suddenly felt someone's fingers running through his hair. He stopped his crying and stood still. Was it...Jeno? No, the fingers were too delicate. Jeno was soft but had a tendency to be aggressive in whatever he did.

Jaemin closed his eyes and tried to see the person in his mind. A mass of something blurry appeared and slowly became clearer and clearer.

It didn't have to become completely clear before Jaemin opened his eyes. He didn't have to wait; he'd realized who it was—or who she was.

The gentle tousling of his hair had stopped, and Jaemin once more, let his tears fall.

Eomma...don't leave me...