See Through Me // Harry Styles

Chapter 1

The feeling of being at an award show, knowing I wrote songs for half of the nominated winners tonight and yet still getting no "bravo!". Even though some of them are great people, that doesn't mean that I don't despise them sometimes for grabbing the trophy and then partying all night and having great sex, while I am aware of the fact that my depression made up these songs, then I changed the lyrics due to the fact that the crowd ain't ready to hear the truth. Many people listen to music to vent but I write to do it too. Knowing most artists don't wanna be associated with depression, drugs, the feeling of wanting to be dead. That's just in the back of a normal person's minds and covering all of mine. I haven't written a positive song in the past two years. Maturing and realizing people use me without giving a single fuck and then their vices don't shout at them while they try to sleep. Everybody left after they got their piece of me. I'm all alone in a world full of narcissists, but I'm more of a pessimist now.

I was gonna catch the cab, but Gemma made me stay at the after party. At least Gemma will be there. I'm not gonna be left alone. Driving to the room, I see the true world of Hollywood. Celebrities are already high and drunk, partying, not having a break. We sit at our reserved seats kept by Gemma's brother, with whom I don't know how, always something happens before we meet up. Either a situation causing somebody to go or just a problem. Let's hope I'll meet him tonight. Obviously, I know who Harry is. Looking kind of way too kind to be true, but Gemma explains to him just like his fans at concerts do, so I trust her. Since One Direction was made, I listen to them. Every song, every single one, I knew them all. I really hope to meet him tonight. I know he broke up with his girlfriend, another model, with whom fans loved to see him.

"Gemm, hey here! Hi! Missed you." I see Harry approaching us, looking already dead drunk. She told me he was different, but maybe he was fake in front of her too.

"Oh god, hi! This is Winter. Finally, you meet."

"Hello." I say, already wanting to run away, hide and maybe write or cry. I feel disturbed already. Too many people around, meeting one of my favorite celebrities when I was an innocent and naïve child. Whatever, this is probably the best thing that happened tonight.

"Ooh, you are the songwriter. Great songs to be honest but there sometimes when I feel you ain't truthful. Do you want a puff?" He looks at me and Gemma with the biggest smile in the world. If it wasn't the joint in his hand, I would take him seriously seeing right through me. I guess he is just high.

"No, no, no. No more weed or other substances. For both of you." Gemma gives me a glare. She knows the only way to survive that night with so many fake smiles is while I'm not bothering myself. Smoking daily and knowing when to stop or, in my way, just taking a little bit over the dose pills keeps me really calm, falling asleep. People tried to stop me, now they've given up on me. Well, everybody other than Gemma.

"Hey alcohol is fine if it's consumed normally." Harry says, thinking the "or" was for him. "I'm fine. I may be able to, but better not drive. Just stop being the mom of the group." I see the attitude he has now. It may be from the mix of weed and drugs. You never know, but I know I hate it.

"Gemm, I know we just came, but I feel bad. I'm gonna go." I say, knowing she is well aware of my lie, but I don't give a damn.

"Oka- "

"Can I go with you? I'm gonna throw up soon. I feel it." Harry says real fast, shutting his sister and looking at me with a glare I don't get.

"Yeah, I'm gonna call an Uber and- "

"My driver is in front." Giving me a kind face frame. Gemma looks at me, fully confused. I give her the "I'm lost too, girl" look. What's going on in his head?

"Bye Gemm."

"Goodbye dear sister." We both say at the same time. I take a look back at her and she is just as stumped as me. What's going on?

***

We are sat in his limousine. Did he expect to get other people to come with him at the end of the night, or is he just famous? Why a limousine? I take a look at him. Other than his colorful outfits, I just see a black suit, reminiscent of his old style back in the days. Black suit, white shirt, no tie or bow. The difference is the muscles that you can see he has, even though he is in a suit, and the little beard he has now. From baby face to grown man who makes everybody respect him and kneel in front of him just with one look at his obnoxious winter dirty green eyes. And that smile? That might lighten a woman's whole life one day. That will raise a child and teach him to be as kind as him. Or as an actor as him? His look may be magnificent, but one day, whatever happens, you will see what's under this beauty. One day maybe?

"What's your address?" He asks, pointing at his driver. I tell him my hotel and lay back on the seat. He raises the partition and looks at me. "It may be a weird way to start a conversation, but what inspires you to write anymore?" I look at him, lost. That really is an odd way but..." I mean Gemma has told me you're in a bad place in your life but you still manage to write what seems like the greatest hit of all time then sell it and nobody knows it's you so they just start making up dumb stories about the artist and accuse or justify him about something." His words are my thoughts all night, but he misses a little part of his presumption of me. A little part that I rarely share.

"You think I just write and sell without actually hiding the truth and changing the lyrics because actually nobody knows anything about me, even me?" I say, finishing my question that at the end turned back to myself. "People nowadays don't wanna hear the truth as much as a great bass or some lyric. Nobody has an idea how deep it is to me." I say in one breath, still wondering why I told him back.

"I- "

"Miss, we arrived," the driver rows the partition down and says.

"Thank you. Goodnight. Bye Harry." I say, knowing he is probably lost in his mind about the one thing that nobody knows because I don't even admit it to myself. I just say that I change because I think it will sound better.

***

Taking my makeup off, I lay in bed. If you had asked me a year ago, being natural was the greatest thing. Now, people's words about how I look get to me; sadly, I can't leave my house without makeup.

Since I arrived, I've been wondering why I told him that. He is a stranger, brother of my best friend whom I just met after around 9 years of knowing her. Why? His presence made me want to tell him everything. That what he hears now defines me as much as what I want to be, as much as I dream of it. Every love song is just a feeling I desire. A love that will set me down and will take me out of my nightmare. I knew I shared too much today, but I couldn't stop myself from talking. Why? What's that? Something about him I want to find, that he is hiding just like I do. What is it? And why this sudden interest in him? We will see where I'll go with that, though.

***

A/N: First chapter in. We will see where Winter's story will go.