See Through Me // Harry Styles

Chapter 4

Today is the first day into the studio with Harry. I don't know how he's going to look at me but I prefer to set comfortable while writing so under my beige coat I put a long shirt and comfortable but still a little elegant pants, took my big headphones and tied up my hair on a ponytail that probably during the day will become a messy bun. The problem with finding no will to live is when you are what seems to other people a normal mood for you is one of your happiest days. That's why no one sees right through me. For others writing a song feels relaxing and gives them a less job but for me after putting all the words, I've been working on for months, then I cry my eyes out to what I've created and then probably change the lyrics for the people. I understand them. In the past years I've been working with artists writing more of an acoustic or just sad and poet type of songs. To end my circle, I need to stop tolerating that sadness which I'll do with writing something a little more positive. Yesterday I tried writing and ended up with just little pieces that made no sense together and were just sad. Most of them contained the word die or death, which I'm not proud of, but that's what has been filling my mind.

Here comes the reason why I wanna and don't wanna work with Harry. Even with the brightest words and lyrics his music somehow if you deepen a little to the lyrics will break your heart and maybe tore it into pieces but if you decide you don't wanna go deep then you just vibe to a way too much optimistic beat and positive out looking lyrics. That is so special about him. I can mask my presence and my feeling but when I write I give my heart out. When the song explains a tragic story, I imagined off or had I cannot put it into high-pitch sounding melody I can only think of a little piano with an acoustic guitar, maybe. We will se how the writing process goes.

Every different artist has a unique way of writing that I need to set myself into. Some of them take a piece of paper and write down until there's a song there, other wait to feel the inspiration and then give it all to their notebook and thirds first make the melody and then set words to fill with it, then there are lot more other ways of writing. I hate mostly the third on which is the fakest one. It's not you, it's the words that fill to the beat or maybe you do the beat, then make your emotions fill it, but that is just not me. I first write the lyrics then make a sound to fit it and if needed make little changes. I hope Harry works like that either way. I don't know how I'll write the truth. The problem is that probably to fit so sad words into an optimist sounding beat you need to create it first.

Whatever happens, to be professional, I need to set up with his rhythm.

***

I walk into the studio. The walls are black and there is a big window in the opposite wall with a desc and a big computer in front of it. It has three monitors and I can see already that the work has started. Harry is nowhere to be seen, but there are Mitch and Sarah, whom I met while signing the contract. Sarah raises her head, a smile joins her face, and she stands up to hug me. I hug her back looking a little awoken cause I didn't expect the hug, but it felt really warming. I look back at Mitch and he just nods in my direction. I remove my hand from Sarah's back and raise it in his direction. I feel somebody stand at the door behind me and look back to see their child running.

"Hello little man! I'm Winter." I kneel and give him my hand.

"I'm Scout. You look really beautiful." He smiles at me with the most innocent smile ever. The compliment, even from a child, made me feel a warmth on the inside. Just like his mother. "Mom, look! Uncle Harry bought me a lollipop and juice!" He screams, showing his mom the things like they are a real treasure.

"It looks great, baby! Oh, Harry, you didn't have to!" Sarah looks at somebody behind me and I turn to face the door again.

"It's nothing, really! Hello, hi Winter!" And he lowers his gaze and I see him in a light I've never discovered before. His hair is messy, his smile realistic and kind and he is wearing a coat with a shirt and pants underneath, matching my clothing style. I look down at his other hand holding four coffees. Other than everybody's kind actions, his glare pleased my whole body and made me desire him even more than I have in the past days." I really didn't know what coffee you drink, so I just bought you one exactly like mine cause I have a great taste in everything."he smiles

"Oh yeah, that's why you drink the most disgusting coffee ever," Sara laughs from the couch.

"I have great taste. Okay, wait! Winter, try your coffee and decide." Harry looks down at me with an expecting look and gesturing me to grab the coffee in his hand.

I take the coffee and firstly smell it. I'm not a big coffee lover, but we will see. I raise the cup and take a big sip.

"Well, as a person who doesn't drink coffee, I don't like this." I glance right back up to Harry, seeing his face full of failure, and then take another sip, letting him know the drink in my hand ain't bad.

"That's not fair!" Harry screams. "First, she doesn't drink coffee and now she is drinking more. She likes it!" His tone goes high and you can guess he does not like the trophy of a loser.

"I see nothing, I only hear win," Sarah says, smiling at me and I wink back at her. "All I hear is that you're a loser." She smiles kindly at him.

"Not great first impression, Winter." Harry says with a little smile, curling his red lips.

"Ohh, it's a great one! She has a temper." Mitch says, looking at Harry as if to tell him some joke I don't get.

"Let's leave the coffees and get to work." Sarah stands up and turns to the computer.

"How do you work?" I ask, glaring at them.

"Everybody work however they want. Everything is made for your pleasure. If you come up with something, like it or not, you show it and if somebody likes it, they start giving things to it." Harry explains and sees the calmness of my face.

"Great. So let's start." I say, looking at all of them. "Hopefully we come up with something."

***

In the afternoon after our lunch break, I say bye to Sarah and Mitch, and I'm left alone with Harry. I sit on the computer and hear him walk behind me.

"Came up with something?" He asks.

"No, not really. I'm sorry, I really just can't write. I turn around and look up at him, starting to feel some sadness growing in me. "I don't know why I even said yes to that deal. I haven't come up with a song in the past month. All I do is to look down at the piece of paper, write down some lyrics and stand up. I'm sorry, I can't!" And here I am crying on my first day of working with Harry right in front of him.

I don't even know why I started crying. The feeling of emptiness inside me sparkled up some concerns in me. All of my inspiration is gone. Everything about me feels resting, not having a chance to awake. I'm not the same girl I was. Now I live in scare of my own persona and then blame others.

"That is why I wanted to work with you. Gemma told me how before you literally walked with a notebook writing and now she hasn't heard you song her a new song for so long." He says with the most truthful look on his face. "I have the same problem. I thought hiring you will get us both from that hole and we can even create something together."

"Thank you, but I don't have the same trust in me. Now when I look in the mirror, I am not sure who I see in there." Why did I even said that? Why I told him? It is like the situation we had in the car the night we met. I didn't wanna tell him anything, and I told him something I am afraid to admit to myself.

"Then we share the same problems." I look him in the eyes and somehow see some comfort in that green forest. "Come. Sit with me and we will see what we will come up with." He sits on the couch and pats the empty spot next to him. "At the end of the day, we need to do fourteen tracks." He gives me a comforting smile. Maybe the man that little Winter met was really just him in a bad mood. My curiosity may be made just in my mind.

I sit next to him and give him back the brightest smile I can find in myself. How did he do that? I open my notebook, look at the paper, grab my pen and there's something I haven't felt from long ago. An inspiration, an inspiration for an optimistic song. Is there still a chance for me?

I look again at Harry and see him as the most focused ever. He looks beautiful under the sunlight brightening him while he grabs the pen and starts writing. Is there a chance for us? To be the same. Or new and better version of ourselves, willing to survive more than the latest ones.

***

A/N: Feelings start to catch a little.

Does Harry feel the same as Winter?

Ship names?