See Through Me // Harry Styles

Chapter 8

The next morning, I wake up and see nobody next to me. I take my phone and see it is a little after nine. I stand up, go to the bathroom, and get dressed up. I put on a light blue hoodie and ripped jeans and go downstairs.

Even from the corridor I can smell the Anne's pancakes. I sit on the table next to Gemma and right away, Anne places the plate in front of me. Everybody looks a little sleepy and I see Harry with a hod on top of his head. He looks like he had been the drunkest person ever since last night. I guess he ain't not a morning person.

"Good morning." I say.

"Morning." Everybody mumbles. I guess nobody is in mood

After finishing my food, I take my notebook and sit at the window on the second floor. I put my legs on the wall and lay down a little. Dusty comes and jumps next to me and lays under my feet. I open the notebook, look through the window and rethink the last fella days.

My biggest scare right now is the fact that I feel like I'm healing, but I have the scare. Something will just shatter in my hands and cut me into pieces. It will bring me down in my hollow, but I won't see even the littlest daylight in there. Just darkness and emptiness, nothing more. And what if when I shatter and there will be no one to glue me back? I don't know.

I'm like a mirrorball

If I crash on the surface, I'll easily break and people,

Will see their own reflections cause I don't, know who I am

Who will people like, so I'm them

Ohh

When I hate myself and hope somebody else will save me, what am I doing? I don't trust me with myself but I still give my heart away for visitors of my self suffering life. Everybody always comes and goes. Or the problem is me that people don't stay? I'm lost. And now? I say I'm healing, but then I don't see any perspective of me being okay. I can't see my own happiness.

If I hate myself why would anybody love me?(Oh)

If I harm myself will anybody care for me?(Mhm)

How big people vices became cause they're, all over me

And they break me down, bad.

Who thought from loving myself I'll be, my biggest hater

And strangers craziest lover?

Feed my delusion, tell me pretty little white lies

What will happen if one day I decide to give up on life? Will people cry for me, miss me? How much I changed in the last years. Everybody said I got way more mature but then I realised, however sadder, lost and colder I got, this is how much mature and wise people called me. For them, maturity equals sadness?

If I break free and let my feeling go will I ever find myself again?(Oh)

If I runaway will the new start make me feel alive?(Mhm)

How small I live hidden, buried in my friends and lovers hearts

And I fell apart hard, sad

Who thought from careless little girl I'll be not so naïve woman?

Wrote them shiniest sad poems, sold them my lifeless art

There are people who have the hardest lives but still live with heart sunk and dreams shutter. I still wonder how they do it. Are they the strongest warriors or the people living in scare of ruining their false paradise? Do I live like them? Will one day I escape from my misery or I go back to it cause I already know how it feels and I'm scared if the future will heal me or make me lose the war with myself? Whatever I say, I'm scared of death.

Little white birdie with a fast beating heart

Died from scare, from afar

Morals gone with maturity, happiness too

Kinda like a rhyme stone losing its own brilliant shine

Water rush, golden sadness too,

But where they are, the ones I trusted with my heart?

Oh...

I'm like a mirrorball

I fell down and broke bad

I tried to shine for everybody

Finishing the song I feel proud of myself. Will that help me get over everything? Maybe, maybe. Whatever happens, I'll live with it. No more fears and panics. Just me and me. Is that what Harry meant when he said we can help ourselves or each other? Will, looking at each other, makes us solve our puzzles of problems. Sometimes I gotta let it go and just...

"Hey, um, everybody is here. What are you doing?" The person who crossed my mind walked into the room and, for some reason, all I saw was gold shine.

"Just writing something, not so much...hey! You need to stop doing that!" I say while Harry again took my notebook and started reading. "Didn't we have to go down because everybody is here?" I say, trying to runaway from him reading that.

"They will wait." Harry says, sits next to me on the window and starts reading. After some time, he raised his head. "This is the best, saddest, realest and worst thing at once. Its worthiness is beautiful, but the pain you can feel with every word you get in makes you wonder about life and sinks your heart. It's just. It shows how delicate a person is and how the littlest thing can break him, but he can survive the hardest fights." He says looking at me as like he is explaining me what he wrote his own song about. Usually nobody really deepens into my words or understands what I have to say. Even if I bold it or even try to hint about it, everybody seems not noticing anything. '

"It's..."

"Everybody is waiting. Harry, when I told you to come and get her, I meant to come down with here and not stay here." I hear Gemm's screams down the stairs.

"We will finish that talk later." Harry says, closing my notebook, putting it down and waiting for me to walk in front of him. "This is great. You are the greatest person even if you don't realise it."

***

A/N: It may not be the longest chapter, but...this song really means the world to me. Even if it's just words, they heal and throw blades at the same time. I wrote that in one of my lowest periods of life which is not so much aback from today. There may be spark at the end of the tunnel, but I need to first get to the exit to see. It may be a long path but if you are tough enough and yo don't give up you will survive. All of this song is sadly a truth which I don't wish even into my deepest enemies. But whatever...

Harry, at least, understands Winter and sees through her. When will their tragedy reflect on them and turn into a romance?

Eight chapters into this book I realised I cannot write slow burn sadly, or happily?! :/

While writing this chapter I almost deleted it by accident, luckily you can undo in notes.