See Through Me // Harry Styles

Chapter 5

It's been a week since I'm working for Harry. Every day there's a new thing I discover about him. Like what music he listens to, the meaning behind some lyrics and music videos and things like that.

"Mornin'!" I say, looking around and seeing only Harry after I had been running for the past ten minutes. "Sorry I'm late. Everything happened this morning. Where are everybody?"

"Hi! Well, Sarah and Mitch are on a trip with Scout for two weeks. It's will be only us for these two weeks." Harry smiles at me kindly.

"Well, at least we will write a lot. You know what?" I ask remembering a thing I used to do a long ago when I couldn't write anything. "Let's do something that I used to do when I had no inspiration."

"And what is it?" Harry looks at me with some kind of curiosity on his face. For this week we have got nothing and this ain't great.

"It is like a 21 questions but it is about your music" I sit on the couch next to home. "Let me start. Ok, hum, what kind of genre do you want the album to be?"

"However, it feels. I'm open for everything."

"Well, you're not supposed to answer like that!" I say, frustrated. "Give me an actual answer!"

"When there is no answer, still what to do!" He screams back at me, laughing at my madness about our nonsense. "Ok, try again. Then we can play just 21 questions to get along."

"Oh god, well, let's just start with ourselves cause we have nothing to say about music, I guess." I look him in the eyes, wondering where the rude celebrity I met and the devil from our nights out. In front of me is the most charming I have ever seen.

"But you answer too. Let me start." He looks around, wondering what to ask. "What is the saddest thing in your life ever?"

"Oh, you are already going into deep waters. I don't know? Maybe, uhm, when my parents told I'm their biggest failure and sent me to England." I keep my face lowered on the floor. "Your turn."

"Maybe when my stepfather died. I have to say I loved him a lot." Harry lowers hush head too. "Maybe I shouldn't have started this hard. Let's switch the theme. What was the first song you wrote and what was it about...and how old were you?"

"Isn't it my turn to ask?" I look after him, trying to pick up the mood. I can't imagine the pain of losing a loved one.

"Jest answer!"

"Ok, ok, chill. Ohh, that sounds embarrassing!" I look away.

"Now you start to get interesting. Cmon we have to answer everything, it's a rule." His charming smile does something to me.

"Ohh, well, it was called perfection." I say, trying to get away with the least information.

"How old were you?"

"Thirteen." I say sharply.

"What was it about?"

Well, funny story, nothing important." I lay my back down on the couch.

"Don't be a pussy. Cmon!"

"Okay, maybe it was about you." I look away, feeling a gaze on top of me.

And again, he had me in front of him like an open book. Ready to tell him everything, not being able to shut up. What is he doing to me? I still don't understand.

"Ohh, you liked me. You were in a direction, weren't you? Ahh!" He looks at me, laughing. "You still love me, and that's why you wanted to work with me." And just like I cannot keep my mouth shut around him...

"Actually, it is your fault. I stopped liking you."

"Mine?"

"Yes, yours."

"And what have I done to make you stopped liking me?" He asks, a big smile covering his fave.

"A little after I came into England, I met you, but you told me no, get away from here. That broken Winter's 16-year-old heart." I look back at him.

"Is there a way I could apologise?" He says, and I wonder if he is joking or not.

"Maybe."

"What if I take a picture with twenty-four tear old Winter? Will that fix it?" try to we will see.

"Well, because I'm a fan of her, I'm gonna take it on my phone and keep it forever." He looks at me with puppy eyes, trying to make me break and accept his apology too dear old dead me.

"Will you put it in a frame?" I ask, joking.

"Do you want me to?" Our eyes make contact and I see a sparkle of the devil in his.

"Try and we will see." I bring up fake confidence keeping the contact, knowing he sees behind the fakeness.

He takes his phone out, turns it into landscape mode and opens the camera. I pose next to him, putting my arms on his shoulders and half hug him. He smiles and clucks the button.

Opening his gallery, I see the picture surprised to like myself in it. I cannot like any picture I have taken of me in the past years, but he changed that. Just like he changed me. But people don't change. They just show different faces.

Did he find the happy Winter that's been dying inside of the depressed one? Winter that cannot stop smiling and hugging people. The one that is not crying and can only write some unrealistic but beautiful love songs. Does he see through me? See all of these faces?

"Is baby Winter not mad at me now?" Ha asks.

"I really stopped contact with her a long ago."

"And why?"

"She was innocent. Seeing no problem in the world she lives in. Broken from her parents's actions but still all smiley and taking pain and hiding it in depts of her." I say, wondering if that was a better or worse version of me. "She took everything and never said anything. That broke her one day."

"Maybe she is still here. Just in a more mature way. In a new face that she doesn't know if it's hers or not. A face that she doesn't know if she prefers or hates." He says, looking at me with an understanding look like he is in the same position as me. But is he like me, or just the same level of broken but for a different reason?

"Maybe we will never know?" I say, knowing all I am is lost.

"Maybe we both don't know."

"We don't know what face I show or we both don't know what face we show to others." I look him in the eyes, seeing the spark gone replaced with a sad grin.

"I don't know already. The future will show. We can only help ourselves or help each other." He looks at me.

Is he expecting me to find him, when I cannot see what is realistic and what is not in my fucked up brain?

The face he shows in interviews and just media is definitely fake. He is far away from fine. Therefore, every song of his tells every emotion you could possibly think of. Cause he doesn't know what he thinks. He is just as lost as me. But can we get help or is it too late?

"The future will show." I agree with him and lay my head on his shoulder.

If writing music can't get us along cause we both cannot write, then our problems will. Let's just hope we can runaway from them together.

***

A/N: I really got lost in this chapter. Words cannot explain 100% right how you feel, especially when you don't know what you feel.

I hope you understood me trying to explain where are both Harry and Winter in life. At the end of the day, if Taylor Swift spent her whole life trying to put love into words, then I am not able to illustrate what being lost in yourself and in life feels like. At least Winter and Harry have each other.