Crashing You Open \\ Reneé Rapp

Chapter 16

Jordan's POV

Dr. Green gave me a scary assignment – especially for it only being week 2 of our appointments. I have obviously been telling him all about Ellie, but I've also been open about Reneé and my confusion and emotional break down about our relationship.

His assignment is basically to tell my current girl – sorry, friend – about my old girl.

At least that's how I'm saying it in my head to sound less scary. He wants me to tell her the hardest part so that it might be easier to be vulnerable with her about my past moving forward.

Dr. Green wants me to tell her about Ellie's death.

I trust him fully and believe him when he says this will be a vital step in my recovery, but that doesn't make me any less terrified. If I want to be happy and want Reneé though... I need to do this. I grabbed my phone and texted her right when I woke up the morning after my appointment.

Hey Nae, are you free right now?

It's Saturday so she's either free or completely engrossed in her music at the studio with Alexander, the weekends are a gamble.

Hi honey, I'm free! We've been spending all our time at your place recently and my couch is starting to feel neglected, get your ass over here

I will never not melt at those pet names of hers. I know she uses them on everybody, but I don't care, it still gives me butterflies.

After throwing on a comfy cute sweat set and throwing my hair back with a clip, I hopped in my car. As always, Reneé's music started playing immediately over my Bluetooth, Colorado was playing right now. I'm obviously in love with her EP, but I can't wait for more speaker content when she finishes her next album.

The drive is short, but I'm surprisingly calm... I definitely thought I'd be freaking out right now. I can probably thank her melodious voice on the highest volume for that.

Here! I texted

I hear her beautiful laugh as I exit the car – "I know babe" she says shaking her phone at me "I was tracking you on the way here, I'm too excited to see you"

She pulled me into a typical hug, making my heart scream with admiration and comfort. What? Just because I hug her all the time doesn't make each one special, her body touching mine just has that effect on me.

"I literally saw you last night" I say laughing

We went out to the bar with Alyah and Jake last night – it was my first time meeting him and I couldn't get enough of his iconic grabby hands and 'nyming' – it was an awesome night, very welcome after all the emotionally draining therapy that's taken up most of my spare time.

"Eh, I still missed you" Reneé responded sweetly

As we went inside we both plopped down on the couch laughing about how drunk Alyah got last night. She was literally rolling around on the grass outside screaming about how exciting it was to find grass in LA.

"I mean she's not wrong, but it sure as hell made me cry from laughter" Reneé said in between laughs

Once our debrief came to a close I remembered what I came over for.

"Soooooo, I have to talk to you about something" I announced, wringing my hands together

Renee's POV

Well goddamn, that's quite the way to kill the mood – you cannot make a declaration like that to an anxious girl like me and expect me not to jump to the absolute worst case scenario

We both adjusted our bodies so we were sitting in our self-named 'serious talk pose' which means facing each other in criss-cross with our knees lightly touching.

"What's going on JB? The floor is yours" I said tentatively

"Shit sorry I didn't mean to make you jump to worst case scenario" my eyes widened and she gave me a smirk "Nae I know you; I know you just got anxious as hell from my quick switch to seriousness" she said holding her hands out in a duh gesture

This woman is so amazing.

She began to speak again "ok so as you know, I've been working through a lot with Dr. Green. What you don't know is that he and I agreed that I need to start being more open with the important people in my life, which basically sums up to you"

I know Jordan isn't very close with her friends and family in Minnesota right now since they didn't agree with her move to LA, but this admission still surprised me; it also made heat rush to my cheeks – I'm really grateful that Jordan feels so close to me.

"I think I need to tell you about the day Ellie died if that's okay" Jordan said with uncertainty

"Of course that's okay baby, but don't feel any pressure" I responded, shocked but honored that she would share this with me.

"Thanks Nae... It was the worst day of my life, so you'll have to bear with me, but I need to finish the story, no matter how hard it is"

4 ½ years earlier

Ellie and I were walking hand-in-hand through the mall after a successful day of shopping. And by successful, I mean walking away with just a soft pretzel I talked Ellie into buying. Being so indecisive makes me hate the mall, but my wallet loves me at least.

I hopped in the passenger seat as Ellie started up her car and we began to drive off.

"Dude I cannot believe Jack and Lexi are dating, is that not the most unlikely pair ever?" she questioned

I laughed "I'm still in disbelief too. I mean, didn't she have a pregnancy scare with her ex-boyfriend Sam like a month ago? This is the juiciest drama we've had in years"

"I know!! And of course it happens 2 weeks before graduation so we won't even be able to follow through on the outcome! Hey but a huge plus of us being lesbian, no penis equals no potential baby scares – we've beat teen pregnancy without even trying" Ellie joked as she pumped a fist in the air

We broke into a cacophony of laughter for all of 3 seconds before I looked over at her and saw a car coming right at us

"ELLIE WATCH OUT" I screamed before everything went black.