Crashing You Open \\ Reneé Rapp

Chapter 19

Jordan's POV

I immediately groaned as my alarm clock went off. I begrudgingly turned it off and walked to my bathroom.

Floored is an understatement. Looking at myself in the mirror I was appalled. I straight up looked like Rumpelstiltskin. My hair was disheveled and I still had tear stains on my cheeks from the night before.

I can't believe Reneé. How could she of kept that from me? How could she have betrayed my like that?

Before I knew it I was ready for work and driving there on auto-pilot.

"Hey girl!" Caroline exclaimed as I walked in the office "oh shit.. what happened to you?" she asked after taking in my appearance.

This is gonna be a long fucking day.

Reneé's POV

I haven't slept. How did I so completely fuck up something that hadn't even really started?

After leaving Jordan's last night I had one thing on my mind. I need to end things with Alissa.

I went straight to their place and after an angry fuck (I'm not proud), I ended whatever we were doing. They were not happy to say the least. Alissa yelled at me for leading them on and although I didn't realize it at the time, I really had been.

I deserved every sentence they screamed at me. When did I become such an asshole?

30 minutes ago I finally left Alissa's place and I've been driving around aimlessly. I can't go back home right now... too many things there remind me of JB. Without realizing it, I found myself parked outside of my second home, the studio.

I sighed and walked inside, maybe music will help me cope with the person I've become. I know it's quick, especially because we aren't even dating, but I could see a future with JB.

You are my one, you set my world on fire
I know there's Heaven, but we must be higher
I'm gonna love you 'til my heart retires
Forever will last
I think it went something like that

The lyrics poured out of me as my tears spilt over the piano.

We could have been perfect. Why'd I have to mess it all up? I love her and she should've heard it.

Wait... those could be good lyrics... maybe I can build something off of it?

Why'd I have to mess it all up?
Why'd I have to burn it all down?
The words were so perfect
The world should've heard it
And sang every line out loud

I let the lyrics torture me. If Jordan wouldn't do it, I'd have to let my own voice beat me up and point out how horribly I treated her.

I'd called Jordan 8 times since I left her apartment. I know I need to give her space but I need to explain.

After a groan I decided to call Alyah. She's one of the smartest people I know and as my best friend, I know she'll give me good advice but she'll also keep me accountable for how badly I blew things up.

"Reneé what the fuck were you thinking?!?!" Alyah exclaimed in disappointment after I finished explaining the shit position I put myself in

"Yaya I know, I don't need a lecture. I know how badly I fucked up. I need help on how to fix it. All I can think about is Jordan, I even wrote a song about it, it's consuming me" I responded with tears rolling down my cheeks

"Play me the song"

"What?"

"Just play the damn song Reneé"

I set my phone on top of the piano, clicked speaker, and let the music flow over me.

"Wow Nae... that was phenomenal. You need to show it to Jordan. Don't just release it and hope she sees it though, you need to make her hear it" Alyah advised

"Okay... thanks Yaya, I think I can do that"

Jordan's POV

After the eleventh call and probably hundredth text message, I blocked Reneé's number. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but she so entirely broke my trust, I don't want to hear from her right now.

The next day is when the letters started arriving though.

Twice a day, a white envelope with my name appeared outside my door. I knew the handwriting better than my own, they're from Reneé.

--,--,--,--

4 days and 9 letters later, I finally relented.

You can't blame me though; it's been a long ass week and its finally Friday night, which is normally our game night. 

Reneé had become such a staple in my life and I miss her so much even though she hurt me.

My hands were shaking as I opened the envelope. The letter was simple:

I'm better with music than with words, please listen to this. If anything can prove how much you mean to me, this will. Let me know if you're willing to let me explain afterwards. At the very least, just know that I harbor so much regret about what I did. I have been and still am waiting for you, even if I made a mistake that made it look otherwise. - Nae <3

I scoffed at the poor excuse for an apology, some playlist she put together won't fix things... but the little USB still intrigued me.

One listen won't hurt I decided as I plugged it into my laptop. Reneé's beautiful voice flooded through my speakers. It wasn't a playlist... it was a new song she wrote.

Tears were involuntarily streaming down my face.

As the piano stopped, Reneé spoke up quietly and I could hear the sadness in her voice 'Give me a chance to make it right, I'm so so incredibly sorry JB'. My heart fluttered at the nickname and emotion in her voice.

The audio was a little over 1 minute long, but one lyric stuck with me: I'm gonna love you 'til my heart retires

Love? She loved me? She still loves me?

As euphoric as that makes me feel, I'm still confused as hell. If she loves me then why is she seeing somebody else?

There's only one way to find out I decided as I grabbed my phone. Unblocking Reneé I sent a simple message:

Are you still seeing her?

Author's Note:

Hmm time to make up? Will they? Won't they? 

Still haven't decided, vote and comment sweeties xx