Miss Americana and The Hearbreak Princess

Chapter Five - Fearless

Over the next two years, she worked on her second album. 

It was filled with songs she wrote all by herself again, covering her years in high school and the more recent events in her life. There were songs about the beginnings of her career, about the relationships she built and broke during that time. 

She wrote about her mom, she wrote about Monique, and about school, and how she'd loved her and lost her - without naming her, of course - she wrote about a song about Romeo and Juliet in twenty minutes on her bedroom floor, after reading the play over that summer, imagining a happier ending for them and unknowingly creating the song that would launch her career into worldwide stardom.

And then there were the songs about her first girlfriend, the moment that she met someone and thought that it was love, and was left heartbroken. 

Her first relationship was with a singer called Addie Johansonn. To Becca, she was Didi. At thirty-two, it should've been a warning sign that the singer took an interest in Becca, only eighteen, still young and naive, too inexperienced in the world of love to even know how a relationship properly worked. 

Still, Becca was too young and too flattered by the attention of the older woman, and when they met at one of Addie's shows in National City, Becca found herself enamoured by the woman. 

It was a surprise when she was invited backstage, finding herself shy and bashful in the company of the older woman, and even more of a surprise when she found herself being picked up by Addie's driver a few days later.

Quicker than she had time to think about it, she found herself dating for the first time in her life. She didn't tell her parents, or Chen, or even Beer or Nam, keeping it to herself as she accompanied her new girlfriend around the city, under the guise of a budding friendship. 

She watched Addie play in bars, strumming her guitar and wooing the crowds, the girls in the front row screaming her name and igniting jealousy within Becca, an unknown emotion up until that point. 

They went to late night red carpet events, our to lavish dinners with Didi's entourage, and were followed by paparazzi whenever they were in public.

But it was a whirlwind romance. Becca thought she understood love, had written enough songs about it and watched enough movies, with the passion and the drama, to think she knew what it was supposed to be like. 

When Addie ignored her for a week, Becca chased after her, showing her that she was interested, that she was there and eager to please her. When Addie was in a dark mood, too drunk to even stand on her own two feet, pupils dilated from some drug or another, and Becca would tiptoe around her, an uneasy feeling building in her chest as she waited for her girlfriend to snap at her. 

She'd call her, wondering which version of her she was going to get, whether it was the sweet Addie, who would tell her about her day and tell her that she'd bought her a gift, or the drunken one who would hurl nasty words at her, put her down and walk all over her, just because Becca was too young to know any better.

Then there were the photos with other women, seemingly innocent, but holding more than the eye could see. She'd been the girl in those photos with Didi, looking like two friends posing, but the closeness of them betraying the nature of what was really going on.

Her girlfriend denied it though, calling her paranoid, delusional, a whiny child. Becca stopped picking up after a while, avoiding the phone when it rang, ignoring her mother when she accused her of losing her mind, taking in the weary look about her with concern. 

She should've listened to her mum. It was a lesson she learned gravely. In the end, she saw that it was all wrong, and she suffered alone, with her secret relationship, too scared to even tell Rawee the truth.