Madagascar (Reader Insert)

Antartica Origin

[Million years later in Antarctica]

Narrator: Antarctica, an inhospitable wasteland, but even here, on the Earth's frozen bottom, we find life.

[Cue Private's egg revealed under the snow, which rolls over the snow.]

Narrator: And not just any life: penguins. Joyous, frolicking, waddling, cute and cuddly life. Look at them, tumbling onto their chubby bum bums. Who could take these frisky snow-clowns...

[As the older penguins almost fall on baby Skipper, Rico, Roberto and Kowalski, they move out of the way.]

Skipper: Seriously? Does anyone even know where we're marching to?

Penguin #1: Who cares?

Penguin #2: I question nothing.

Penguin #3: Me, too.

Penguin #4: Me, too.

Skipper: Well, fine. We'll just fly to the front of the line and see for ourselves. Kowalski, Rico, Roberto engage aerial surveillance.

[They flap their wings but cannot fly.]

Kowalski: Skipper, we appear to be flightless.

Roberto: Yeah. This sucks.

Skipper: [Looks at his wings] Oh, well, what's the point of these?

[Rico seems to have an idea. He hits Skipper's wing in some sort of high five.]

Skipper: Whoa, I like it! Hey, this could be our thing! What're we going to call it? Let's call it the, uh... high one.

[The egg rolls under the trio, flipping them over.]

Skipper: Hey! Anybody see that? That's an egg! Is someone gonna go get it?

Penguin #5: We can't do that.

Skipper: Why not?

Penguin #6: Well, it's a dangerous world out there, and we're just penguins. You know, nothing but cute and cuddly.

Penguin #7: Yeah. Why do you think there are always documentary crews filming us?

[Zoom out a bit to see a cameraman and sound man recording the penguin line.]

Penguin #8: Well, sorry, kid. You know, we lose a few eggs every year. It's just nature.

Skipper: Oh, right, nature. I guess that makes sense, but... something... (Sighs) something deep down in my gut tells me that it makes no sense at all. You know what? I reject nature!

[The other adult penguins gasp in disbelief.]

Skipper: Who's with me?!

[Skipper cries out and starts sliding towards the egg.]

Rico: Ha-ha!

Kowalski: The old ship. No one's ever returned from there alive.

Skipper: Relax, Kowalski. There's a bird down there now. Look, he's fine. [A leopard seal comes out of nowhere and eats the bird.] Leopard seals... nature's snakes.

Kowalski: Aren't snakes nature's snakes?

Skipper: How should I know? I live on the flipping frozen tundra. [He sees more leopard seals as they going after the egg.] They're going for the egg! Give me a way down there, ASAP!

Kowalski: All one would have to do is collect 300 feet of kelp, dry it in the...

Narrator: Tiny and helpless, the baby penguins are frozen with fear. They know if they fall from this cliff, they will surely die. Gunter, give them a shove.

Kowalski: ...harnessing the jellyfish we've trained to obey simple voice commands.

Skipper, Kowalski, Roberto and Rico: (Screaming)

Skipper: Now, that's more like it! That-a-boy, Rico! Don't let him have it! [But Rico eats the egg hole.] Okay. I guess that works.

Kowalski: Get to high ground!

Skipper: Boo-yah!

Kowalski: Success!

Roberto: I'd recommend firing it now.

Skipper: Nope, hold on.

Kowalski: Uh, we really should fire it.

Skipper: Not till we see the white of its eyes.

Kowalski: They're mostly pupil. Very little white. Almost none!

Skipper: They got to have a little bit of white, right?

Roberto: None whatsoever.

Skipper: What if they look really far to the left? Fire in the hole!

[Skipper fires an arrow and sent them flying and they landed on an ice burg as Rico spits the egg. And they watch the ship explode, causing the ice cliff collapes reveal to be two dead dinosaurs turned into metal and makes the ice burg move by the shockwave. But Roberto gets blown away behind.]

Roberto: Well shucks! I am still here.

Skipper: Kowalski, analysis?

Kowalski: We are really... awesome at this!

Skipper: Boys, we did it! Mission accomplished! Hey, we could do our thing! High one!

[They all high five, until Skipper accidentally hits the egg they just saved.]

Skipper: Oops. My bad.

[The penguins all look in awe as the egg is about to hatch.]

Skipper: Look, it's... it's the miracle of birth.

Kowalski: A moment of extraordinary beauty.

[Suddenly, Private's egg explodes open, splashing the three penguins in goop, much to their disgust.]

Skipper: Daaagh!! That is disgusting! I think I have amniotic sac in my mouth!

[Much to the surprise of the three penguins, the newly hatched Private gets up, but look at him lovingly.]

Private: Hello. Are you my family?

[The three penguins turn, knowing they're far away from land, and nod to each other before turning back to face Private.]

Kowalski: You don't have a family, and we're all going to die. Sorry.

Private: Wh-Wha...?

[Skipper elbows Kowalski.]

Kowalski: What? I thought that was what we were all nodding about.

Skipper: [Hits Kowalski] No one's gonna die! [To Private] Y'know what you got, kid? You've got us. We've got each other. And if that ain't a family, I don't know what is.

[He salutes Private, who salutes back.]

Skipper: [Tussles Private's head] So adorable.

[He turns away from Private, looking at the sun.]

Skipper: Kowalski, what's our trajectory?

Kowalski: Ninety-five percent certain we're still doomed.

Skipper: And the, uh... other five percent?

Kowalski: Adventure and glory like no penguins have ever seen before.

Skipper: I'll take that action.

Private: Where are we going?

Skipper: The future, boys. The glorious future. Where's Roberto?

Kowalski: Well I see him from a long distance.

Skipper: What?! [Sees Roberto getting left behind]

Roberto: [Distance] I got lots of stuff to do! [Leaves]

Kowalski: Well that's a bummer.