Madagascar (Reader Insert)

Private's Birthday

[The Glorious Future in the Circus]

[We see all 5 Silhouettes of Marty, Melman, Gloria, Alex and Christian dancing.]

Marty: (Singing) Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, circus! Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, Afro Circus!

Skipper: Ah, this song! I swear it's gonna make me lose my salmon!

Kowalski: Singing getting louder, Skipper!

Skipper: Well, move faster! And somebody get that wig off of Private?

[Private was dancing to "Afro-Circus/I Like To Move It" with a rainbow Afro-Wig and Rico removes the wig of Private's head]

Skipper: Kowalski, status report!

Kowalski: I'm really getting tired of this song!

Roberto: The best part of owning a circus is you can transport a cannon over state lines.

Skipper: Ten years ago on this very day, a tiny egg hatched, and our world got a little bit cuter. So tonight, Private, we celebrate your birthday by infiltrating the United States gold depository at Fort Knox!

Kowalski: Splendid!

Private: What?

Skipper: There she is, boys. The object of our unholy desire. The butter on our biscuit. The royal flush.

Private: Skipper?

Skipper: Private, what's our rule about interrupting analogies?

Private: Sorry. Please continue.

Skipper: The moment's gone. Private ruined it.

Kowalski: Sir, we're approaching our target.

[The Penguins hit into a Wall, and the Parachute Falls Down.]

Private: But, Skipper, I really don't...

Skipper: Are you questioning my leadership, Private?

Private: No, sir.

Skipper: Too bad.

[The Penguins quickly get back up]

Skipper: 'Cause I respect a soldier with some moxie.

Private: Really? Then I really think we should...

Skipper: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dial back the moxie, sass-mouth. Oh, look at you. Still so adorable. Fire in the hole!

Toy Clock: 8 o'clock. Night night time.

Guards: Wha...?

[The Clock emits a Pink Gaseous Clouds which makes the Guards lie down unconscious.]

Skipper: Private, come on!

Voice command: Please enter pass code.

Skipper: Kowalski, you're up.

Voice command: Please enter pass code.

Kowalski: Rico, sonic incursion device.

[Kowalski holds up a Cassette Player, but he Presses rewind and then he presses the play button and Kentucky Music Plays.]

Skipper: (Exhausted) Oh, come on, you're kidding right?

Kowalski: Kentucky, Skipper. They do love their Flatt and Scruggs.

Voice command: Y'all come in now, y'hear? Have yourself an iced tea.

Skipper: Private, if you could have anything you wanted in the whole wide world, what would it be?

Private: Well, gee, Skipper. I think to be a meaningful and valued member of this team.

Skipper: Oh, well, we got you something else.

[Camera zooms in to a vending machine in the break room. Kowalski and Rico both carry Private in front of Skipper.'

Private: A vending machine?

Skipper: Well, not just any vending machine, Private. The last remaining home in America's nanny states for those succulent and chemically-hazerdous bits of puffed heaven called...

Private: (Gasps) Cheesy Dibbles!

Skipper: [Gives Private a coin] Happy ding-dong birthday, ya little scamp!

Private: Thank you.

[Private pecks Skipper on the cheek, followed by Kowalski, finally giving one to Rico, only for the latter to hold Private for ten seconds before releasing him. Cue Skipper, Kowalski, Roberto and Rico smiling at Private with satisfaction.]

Skipper: You mess with the bull, you're gonna get the horns, Private. Now hit that machine and get your present.

[Private tosses the coin into the machine and tries to reach in the slot to get the bag.]

Skipper: We just broke in the most secure facility in North America. Do you know what that means?

Kowalski: We're wanted criminals who will be on the lam for the rest of their lives, always feeling the hot breath of Johnny Law on our necks?

Skipper: No. It means, as elite units go, we're the elitist of the elite. Top shelf in the bureau. The penultimates. Plus one.

[As Private struggles to get the bag out of the vending machine he ends up getting pulled into the machine.]

Skipper: Where'd Private go?

[They walk over closer to the vending machine.]

Roberto: Oh, there he is.

[The penguins notice that Private is stuck up in the machine.]

Kowalski: D3.

Skipper: Oh, Private. How much is he?

Kowalski: He's three dollars and fifty cents, sir.

Skipper: Well, that's outrageous. Even for Private.

[Suddenly, an octopus tentacle comes out of the vending machine slot, grabs Rico and takes him into the machine.]

Kowalski: Sir, the machine is alive!

[The octopus tentacle comes out of vending machine again and takes Kowalski.]

Skipper: (Angrily) Well, I don't think I like your attitude, vending machine. Or your prices! [In battle stance] Release them! (Screaming)

[The tentacle comes back out and grabs Skipper and Roberto in.]

Roberto: Now we're caught.

Skipper: Kowalski, analysis.

Kowalski: All evidence indicates... [His stomach grumbles] Oooh, I ate too many Cheezy Dibbles.

[Private coughs out an orange cloud of dust.]

Skipper: We're behind enemy lines and incredibly thirsty. Rico, bust us out of this delicious prison.

[Rico sticks out his tongue holding a paper clip and uses it to unlock the door.]

Skipper: Nice work, Rico. You are a meaningful and valued member of this team.

[As the penguins exit the cage, Private becomes upset. Then he looks at the paper clip Rico used, takes it and swallows it. He tries coughing it up, but no success.]

Skipper: (OS) Private, quit lollygagging. And regular gagging.

Private: Sorry.

Skipper: It's dark and ominous. Two of my least favorite traits in a room.

Private: Ooh, look, a button!

Skipper: Huh? Private, don't!

[Private pushes the button and the platform underneath them descends and they drop down to another room.]

Skipper: Now what have I told you about-

Private: [Presses another button] Sorry, what?

[A giant ray wheels to them and a laser pops out pointing at the penguins.]

Kowalski: It looks like some sort of giant laser sent to kill us all, sir.