The Other Man

Ch14 - Coping Mechanism

Tay's brain and heart are asynchronized. His brain tells him to storm out of there, go home and cry himself to sleep. His heart refutes. It tells him to spend the remaining alone time with New, and then go home and cry himself to sleep.

He listens to his heart. Tay shuts down the laptop. His actions as unhurried as a tortoise. He can represent one right now. Oh wait! He can't. Tortoises win. Not him. He is a loser. In love. And in all other aspects of his life.

Every time he failed to secure the winning positions and couldn't please his parents, there was one magical formula he used that kept him from losing his sanity. Feigning insignificance. Every time he lost his ranks to others, he used to say to himself – Forget about it. It wasn't so important anyway. 

Can he say the same about New after losing him to Earth? Can the one he adores, become unimportant for him? He curses the day when his selfless love was splashed with desires, wants and expectations. There is no denial, he got beautiful memories that he would love to treasure all his life, but he also got things he never wanted – pain, suffering and heartbreak. When did great things ever come easy anyway?

Unlike his actions, his thoughts were racing. What if it's the last time he is alone in a shared space with New? What if he never sees him again like this? Even though he yearns to look at New's face, he doesn't. He is too scared to do so. What if he falls a little more for that boy? How will he heal his heart then? What if he drags him somewhere away and locks him at a secluded place from where he cannot reach Earth? What if he bursts out and tells New that he was wrong to play with his heart? Or even worse, what if he goes on his knees and begs New to choose him over Earth because each day he will love him more than Earth ever will in his lifetime?

He shudders at the last thought. He shrugs off his desire to spend more time with New and decides to leave. As he slowly gets up from the couch and walks towards the door, New grabs his wrist. "Te?"

Tay prays to heaven to give him strength to not to turn and look at his face, because the moment he does, he doesn't know which of his desperate thoughts would manifest. Besides he doesn't want to melt. He wants to carry this heavy vessel of consuming anger along with him to learn a lesson of not being vulnerable. And heavens heard him. He didn't turn.

New held him from behind. Hands fisted around Tay's shirt. His forehead rested against his back as he spoke, "I am sorry, Te."

Tay pressed his aching temples with one hand. May be, it's time to let at least a few of his thoughts out. "What are you sorry for? It was nothing anyway. It was just sex, right? We are friends and that won't change."

New's ears burnt at the middle sentences. He titled his head up.

Tay continued, his voice surprisingly calm and steady, "Earth proposed you. That can't happen in one meeting. Right? You must have met him frequently."

New loosened his grip on him and asked, "What are you trying to say?" 

"You exactly know what I am saying."

New turned him around holding his arm. Heavens played a trick. "No Te, I don't know what you are trying to say."

Tay looked him in the eyes, his own eyes burning as he spoke coldly, "All this time that we were sleeping around, did you not do the same things with him?"

New couldn't believe Tay. He grabbed his collar, teeth gnashing as he spoke, "What do you think of me, Te Tawan?" Then he shouted, "You think I am a slut?" At the last word New pushed Tay away.

Tay staggered behind and at that exact moment he felt embarrassed with his own thoughts and words. He pulled his hair in frustration as he turned away from New. He had no right. New wiped his tears. He doesn't even know why his eyes are pooling. He doesn't know why Tay's words pierced his heart so deep. He doesn't know why hurting Tay, hurt so much.