Don't Waste Your Time:Frerard

Ch. 6: Hospital Bed

"Mikey thinks it's funny that I'm gay..." he quietly says. I look at him. "Why does he think it's funny?" I ask. He just shrugs, looks down, and starts messing with a loose string off my sheets. I watch him for a while, in silence. What am I supposed to say? I feel like if I say something, it may come out the wrong way and then he'll start crying. "Do you think it's weird?" he says, interrupting my thoughts. "No," I pause for a little, "Homophobia is gay," I reply, still looking at him. He looks up with watery eyes. "Are you?" he asks.

I don't know how long it takes me to comprehend this question, but all I know is it took quite a while for me to answer. "To be honest, I have no clue. Ever since I shut off any contact with anyone, I haven't really developed feelings for anything." He smiles. Why did he smile? I'm confused now... "Okay, well let's go back downstairs before Mikey starts to get some weird thoughts..." he says, getting off my bed. I give him the most confused look ever. Like a "what the fuck!?" look. Mikey just needs to back off and stop being so homophobic... Or just stop making fun of Gerard, or both. Okay, got to stop talking to my self. I get off my bed and follow Gerard down the stairs. "Oh hey, Gee. I was just about to get you," Mikey says, handing Gerard's keys. "Oh, okay. Well, nice meeting you, Frank. Hope you get better and, um, see you some other time, maybe?" Gerard says, taking the keys and giving me a big smile. "Yeah... I guess," I say back.

I watch as the Way brothers leave my home. I know this sounds odd for me to say, but I really don't want them to leave. I mean, yeah, Mikey's kind of an ass to Gerard about him being gay, but he's pretty cool. Now Gerard on the other hand, is really nice. And messed up. Like me! So finally, I didn't feel alone in this world, but I know this feeling will end soon. The front door shuts, and my lungs feel as if they just sunk into my stomach. I blink a couple of times and walk over to the kitchen for a cold glass of water. I open the fridge for some ice.

"So, it looked like you were having fun. Did you have fun?" Ray asks me, poking me in the shoulder a million times. I don't answer. "Well! Did you!?" he asks again. "Yeah. I did," I reply, taking a sip of my water. A shiver runs down my spin from the temperature of the water. I look over at Ray who has the biggest fucking smile on his face. It's not ever funny. It's actually quite scary and I really want to slap him so it goes away. I resist the urge to hit him and decide to just say something a bit rude instead. "Get that smile off your face. It's blinding me, not in a good way."

I laugh inside at his reaction. It was like someone received the most precious thing in the universe, and then realized that it's broken. It was an instant reaction. Huge smile, to a huge frown. It's really amusing. "You just have to be a dick head all the time, don't you?" he says, quickly becoming serious. "I won't say dick head. Maybe more of an arrogant, uncaring person who could care less about people and society," I state back. "I think all three of us understand why the hell people don't care about you!" he yells. "And what's that?" I'm smiling now. "You just said it, Frank! Jeez! Why don't you just crawl in a corner! Nobody will notice! Nobody will care! Everyone hates you anyways! Haven't you noticed!?"

I can't process what I just heard. Did he? Oh wow. I never knew Ray had it in him to say that kind of stuff to anyone. It's unlikely he would ever hurt a fly. He's such a nice person. Am I really that much of dick head...? Should I feel bad? Or should I show that I don't care and just go back to the normal Frank Iero?

Instead, I don't say anything. Not one word. I just stare at him. I don't stare for long though. "Then why do you and Bob stay here and try to fix me? Why did the Way brothers like me and not shut me out like others do?" I regret saying that. He shoves me really hard and I fall backwards, slamming my head against the tile floor. The last thing I feel is cold water all over my chest, then I see blackness.

I wake up in an extremely bright room. But it's familiar. I groan of pain. I look around the room and see Bob and Ray sitting down in two plastic chairs. I put my head back down on the pillow and stare at the ceiling. "You awake, Frank?" Bob whispers to me. I decide to ignore them. Especially Ray. It's his fault I'm in a hospital laying in a stupid hospital bed; for the millionth time. I roll over to my side, to where my back is facing them, and give them the silent treatment. I quickly feel a sharp pain in my head and shoot up, clutching the back of my head. I grab the glass of water, that's sitting on the side table next to this bed, and chug the whole thing.

I decide to just ignore the silent treatment. "How long was I out?" I ask. "Four hours..." Ray says with a guilty tone. I'm shocked. "Four hours!? What the hell, Ray!" I shout. "I'm so sorry, Frank... I really didn't mean to. I don't know why I even did that... It was rude. I'm so sorry," he says really swiftly. Before I could reply, the doctor walks in. She's a short red head with glasses that seem too big for her skinny face. I know her. She was my doctor a couple of times for when I was here for being severely sick. Never for suicidal reasons. Her name is Doctor Alyssa Williams... Or just Doctor Williams. I guess you can say she's one of the doctors who I'm kind enough to speak to without being a dick head. So maybe Ray was right... Still not a reason to shove me...

"Hello Frank. How are you feeling?" Williams asks. "Uh, my head kind of hurts... Was I really out for four hours?" Just needed to confirm things. "Yes, you were. You had a minor concussion and you did indeed receive stitches," she answers. What? Stitches? Concussions? No. Not cool. No. "What? Why did I need stitches?" I'm going to stab Ray now... "Well, your friend here shoved you down with an excessive amount of force, which, when you slammed your head onto the floor, was enough force to crack open your skull, giving you about thirty stitches to the back of your head," she nicely explains.

I shoot Ray a death look and then fully sit up. "Frank, I'm really so so so sorry. Please, I didn't mean to. I don't know what got into me. I just had this rage moment and I let it out on you. The worst person to let anything out on," Ray says as he nearly breaks into tears, "I could have killed you... Oh god... I'm so glad you're still here. I'm so sorry..." Now he's sobbing. I feel bad. I mean should I, or should I still be mad at him? I never knew I was cared about so much. I always thought that they just kept me alive so they wouldn't have to live in the pain and agony if I really did let my self go. But aren't they living it by keeping me alive, too? My constant yelling and carelessness. I could light the house on fire and watch it burn, as long as no one was in it, without caring one bit. I'm actually cold inside. I have a soul, but it's dead and floating around somewhere with all the happiness I once had... The happiness that found me for a while, but disappeared as the Way brothers shut the front door of my house. Were they really the reason I was happy again? Now I'm just confused...

I just look at Ray as he wipes away tears. What did he ever do to me...? I shouldn't be so cruel. Theres an odd silence in the room, except for Ray's sniffling. Williams just stands there awkwardly near the door, I can't move so I just lay back down, and Bob is trying to stay awake but I notice him slipping into a deep sleep. The doctor turns to face me. "We need you stay here over night." She's basically demanding me, but not in a bad way. In a concerned doctor way. She's probably one of the only doctors left on the world who still feel the sorrow when someone is sad. She doesn't say, "it's going to be okay." No, she says it straight. Not what we want to hear, but what we need to hear. I know too much about her... So maybe she's been my doctor through many more situations, but how could I remember? I basically live in a hospital bed.

"Okay. Um, can I get something to eat though?" I ask. I feel like it's been forever since I've ate something. Breakfast has passed long ago and we never ate lunch when the Way brothers were here. It's, what? Almost seven or eight at night. "Yes. I'll have one of the nurses come in and bring that to you," she answers with a big smile and walks out of the room. "You must hate me," Ray says, his head looking down. I hesitate to answer. "Uh-um, no. I don't," I reply. His head shoots up so fast. "B-bu-but, when you were laying there, unconscious and everything, I thought you were dead! How could you not hate me!?" I was not expecting him to want me to hate him so badly. "Well, I don't hate you, Ray, and I never will." Nothing is said after that.