Hope I Never Lose You

fourteen

A few days passed. Slowly. 

God, things felt so different even though nothing had changed. Both Travis and I had come so close to losing each other three different times, and it had finally hit us how easy it would be for it to actually happen. We were scared, knowing that some things were out of our control and maybe one day something might rip us apart for good.

Travis stayed put, letting me take care of him without a word of complaint. I poured every ounce of my energy into looking after him, trying not to think about anything else. I didn't work during the day, knowing that my work had been the cause of us almost losing each other once. Instead, I helped him get to sleep and then I worked for a few hours, and I got up early to do more work before Travis woke up.

I knew I shouldn't be working, and I had technically cleared my calendar, but there was still a lot to do. And I made sure it didn't interfere with anything. Work and Travis were completely separate, and I'd be damned if I let what happened a few weeks ago happen again.

"No, it's supposed to be the eighteenth." I sighed as I stood at the table, bent over my computer on the phone with Tree. 

"Okay." Tree murmured. "I don't know why we have the nineteenth, I remember us planning for the eighteenth." I made a small sound of agreement, switching tabs. "So if you fly into New York on the sixteenth, we've got enough time to organize everything and you can check everything."

"Yeah, great." I grabbed my pen and jotting that date down.

"Baby?"

I glanced up, watching as Travis came from our bedroom, looking exhausted. Straightening up, I placed my pen down and closed my computer.

"Tree I gotta go, I'll call you back tomorrow."

"Okay honey, no rush. Whenever you can."

"You're working?" Travis asked as I put my phone down. "I thought you took time off."

"I did." I swallowed. "There's just....a lot to..." I trailed off, realizing that if I kept talking, we'd end up fighting. And if we ended up fighting, we'd be back where we'd been before. I couldn't do that. "You're right, I'm sorry." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I thought I could do both. I just want to make everything work."

"I know you do baby, it's okay." Travis sighed, coming over and resting his unbroken arm around my shoulders. I leaned against him, realizing that I was exhausted. "I know how much you love to work. I'm not asking you to pick between me and your work, but I'm asking you to find a balance so you don't overwork yourself."

"Okay." I nodded. "I can do that."

"Thank you." Travis kissed my cheek. "So come to bed, okay?"

I nodded. He was right. I didn't know the balance. And I was just so glad we hadn't fought about it this time. We'd realized how easy it was to slip away from each other, to put up that wall, and I just knew we were past it. We'd learned how to work together, properly this time.

"I'll have a shower and come to bed." I told him, and Travis nodded.

He was waiting up for me when I came out of the shower, toweling my hair as I wandered over to the drawers. Travis chuckled and I turned around.

"What?" I murmured. Travis raised his eyebrows, and I watched his gaze settle on my naked body. "Travis Kelce, do not even think about it." I rolled my eyes at him. "You are supposed to be resting."

"Hey I have one good arm don't I?" He winked at me. I shook my head, grabbing an old shirt and some pajama shorts. "Oh come on." Travis complained as I got dressed.

"Could you be any more of a guy right now?" I asked as I sat down next to him, rubbing the ends of my hair through the towel.

"Is that a challenge? Because I can grab your ass if you want."

"Glad to see you're feeling better." I sighed, dropping my towel on my lap and reaching over to lift up his shirt. "Oh calm down." I told him when he smirked. "I'm just checking." Gently, I pressed my fingers over his ribs to make sure nothing had changed. "How do you feel?" 

"I'm fine baby, really." Travis slipped a hand into my damp hair, lifting my head. 

"Travis." I sighed as he bent to kiss me. As his lips pressed against mine, I slid a hand up his shirt and flattened my palm against his chest to gently push him back. "I'm not doing this with you. You need to rest." He was impossible. Adorable, but impossible. 

Travis sighed but didn't push it. I smiled fondly at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before I got up to put my towel away. I turned off the lights when I came back, and Travis lifted the blankets for me as I got into bed. I nestled against his uninjured side, my shoulders relaxing as he rested an arm around me and kissed my hair.

"You think we'll be okay?" He murmured after a while, speaking what both of us hadn't had the guts to say until now. "I can't lose you Taylor. I just can't."

"You won't." I slipped my fingers into his where his hand rested over my shoulder. "I'm not ever going anywhere."

"Yeah, that's what you said right before I saw you with a gun to your head." 

"Don't." I whispered. "I almost lost you too Travis. I thought I did. You were dead." Travis' arm tightened around me. "We can't be sure." I swallowed. "We can't ever be sure. But I want to believe that we'll be okay because we try."

"We will be." Travis agreed. "We'll make sure of it right?"

"Right." I squeezed his hand. 

"Hey." He murmured, and I looked up. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered, lifting my chin a little higher to kiss him gently.