Holding eye contact, he searched his pockets for something. Cigarettes. He puts one into his mouth and lights it up, all while looking intensely into my eyes. I watch his every inhale and exhale of the cigarette, the mere act making my breath hitch. It was not the first time I saw a man smoking, yet still this man managed to grab all of my attention by doing it.
There was something so extremely attractive about it. Normally I'm disgusted. Who likes to watch other people smoke to death. But it wasn't the smoking that bought my attention, it was the cigarette between his lips. His lips. The way they sucked it. The way he licked them. That was what interested me. Never before had I ever looked at a man's lips, because I'm not a pervert. Or so I had though before now.
Murtasim is beyond attractive. No shak. It wouldn't be too hard to marry him. I swear if I was any other girl out there, I would waste no time in approaching him. But I'm Meerab. And I'm far from easy to impress.
"Tum sasta nasha bhi karte ho?" I blurted out, and regretted the moment his lips tugged upwards, into a smile. That smile was going to be the death of me. Then I pondered over my words. Sasta nasha? Seriously Meerab?
"Aur tum bina soche kuch bhi kehti ho." He shook his head. I frowned. He was right, but who allowed him to be that right?
"Shayad." I said in a breathy voice. It was cold out here, but still my body temperature was getting warmer for each passing second. Murtasim looked warm. Maybe I could use some of his heat. Just as I was about to walk towards him, the devil himself invites me closer, "Come here." He said. Mischief shone in his eyes, but I didn't dare disobey him. Normally I would. But I myself wanted to get closer.
For every step I took towards him, his eyes darkened.
I stand right before him. Three steps away, but apparently that wasn't close enough. "Closer." He ordered. By now his posture had become tense. "Be honest," He warns. I nod my head, indicating for him to continue. "Do you want to marry me?"
Something about his expressive eyes brought a rush of honesty from my lips. "No," I whispered into the thick silence. Murtasim was watching me all along like a hawk. The 'no' might have triggered something inside him, because the next moment I found myself caged between his arms and the car.
"Then why the hell do you look so pleased with my sight?" Huh? Confused by the meaning of his words, I looked into his memorizing eyes. Seeing if he's mocking me. And as expected, he is. I do find him attractive, but I've never let it show on my face or actions. How does he see it?
"Excuse me?" I've expected many sudden things from this man, but not this much boldness. I thought he would be more reserved in expressing his thoughts, but guess I was assuming wrong.
The man before me smirks. He traces a finger from my forehead to my cheeks, which I'm sure were burning hot right now. The simple, yet gentle touch made me restless. It wasn't a lovers touch, yet its impact was so strong I could feel it in my bones.
But then suddenly, as if coming out of a trance he removes the finger. He takes a few steps away from me. That is when I notice the regret in his eyes. He was regretting that he'd touched me, because he's not my husband, he doesn't have the right. Then it dawned upon me. If this man had touched me just a bit more, I would have given in to him. Not in the physical sense, I would never, but my body would crave for more, and my heart would curse me afterwards.
"If you don't want this marriage, then tell me clearly. Reasons. A 'no' won't be enough. I'll have to convince Maa Begum and I'll need your rejection to call it off."
"I'm not willing to stay here. I'll run away if forced into anything." I tell him clearly. Dead-serious. In literal sense, I had no problem running away. Where to though? I had not given it any thoughts. Maybe I will get help from Saba. Saba. My heart aches. Just a few hours ago we were laughing. Then we discussed her problem. I had trust in my parents, and thought a day like this could never occur in my life as I listened to her. But it looks like Allah had other plans for me. Because clearly, as soon as I muttered those words in my heart, my fate was sealed.
Murtasim chuckles. "Run away?" He repeats my words in a mocking tone. "Where to?"
"Anywhere. But I'll escape."
His voice turns lower, colder. "Wherever you are, Meerab, I'll always make sure to find you."
Shivers roll down my spine. His words were dark, promising. They were everything but what I wanted to hear. But why did my heart start beating faster?
Murtasim watches me longer than I'd like. "I'll go inside. If you want." He gestures towards the gate, and I walk beside him in silence. Just for a few hours more, Meerab, just for a few.
