Choices We Cant Make

five: aunt arma

My aunt is angry, but she is also tired and sleepy and hungry, and so many things at the same time.

She looks beautiful.

She is sitting on the bench, outside my building. The bench that used to be occupied by Sam when we dated. I hate how thats the first thing I think about when I look at it.

However, this time my cheeks are pink for different reasons.

I also hate to admit that I absolutely grew desirous for Blue to kiss me, to run after me the second I left the building. I hated that I wanted him, and he perhaps wanted me, but GOD was I nervous. I had to leave.

I JUST HAD TO.

I keep my mind busy, as my aunt rants on me.

"How can you be so ridiculously irresponsible! You are 24! TWENTY FOUR! Your phone is not just for scrolling through instagram- its also for picking up calls from people who love you!"

For some reason I do not wish to understand-

I start to cry. I feel a huge lump of guilt in my throat. I cry. I cry not for those words, but for the fact that I almost fell for a guy who wasn't Sam.The "forever together" shit hit hard.

"Oh honey Im so sorry I didn't want to make you sad." My aunt tries her best to comfort me- just how she did when Dad died, when I was raped and when Mom died.

I love my aunt. She hugs me and caresses my hair with her fingers, slowly massaging my forehead as we both Lay on my couch.

She goes to the kitchen and unpacks the boxes of chipotle she got. She also has a cake.

We both sit down and enjoy the night.

I am happy.

I am very happy.

I take a picture of me, my aunt and my beautiful arrangement.

Im still wearing my over sized shirt with my hair let out mascara smeared across and my aunt is wearing a beautiful brown dress, with a blue necklace.

I hadn't noticed her outfit until we Took the picture. She looks breathtaking. For someone her age she sure is very young and pretty.

I notice her 3 suitcases and wonder if she plans to stay. While I tend to eyeing her baggage , she says

"Darling....dont worry! Tomorrow morning Im catching a flight to London to meet a friend. Im not planning to stay." she exasperates!

"Oh Aunt Arma, thank you for coming" I saw with a hint of sarcasm - not intending anything.

I clean up after our little party, and set up the couch for my night. I lend my room to Aunt Arma. Thank God I had cleaned it- and make way for my beauty sleep- and yet I always looks the same shade of agony.

I open my phone, and the first place I go to is instagram. I post our picture and spend some time stalking Mr. Blue.

I can't find much, so I go back to iMessages.

Sam has texted me

Sam: Tomorrow morning I'll pick you up at 9. There is some work

I immediately reply

Me: No. I have work of my own to tend to Sam.

Sam was online

Sam: Mr. Blue wants to meet you. He has asked me, specifically, to bring you.

Me: ??

There we go. Now I need to find something to wear tomorrow. CERTAINLY NOT A LACE TOP.

I slide open my blue journal with a golden hue, that is not about him.