4. last year (written april 18)

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• backstory to this one is that i just loved last year, i was 13 i went to concerts, i met new people, it was so perfect i loved it so much and i just miss it soo much
this one also kind of ties back to the previous note, stuck :)
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i would say last year was my favorite
i started off with nothing but just 3 people in my life
i didn't have high hopes for anything in that year
i started off the year listening to my favorite song
and a conversation with my brother
reflecting on the previous year and thinking about what was next in our lives
we were turning 13 and 17, some of the most important ages in one's life
as the year went on, i had many fears
i had a fear of my health being worse
of losing everybody
of growing up
i was afraid for some reason
but when summer came my life improved
I enjoyed life a bit more,
i remembered events from the previous summer,
the summer i lost my only friend
the summer (too personal, can't say, sorry!)
the summer of multiple breakdowns
the summer of being afraid,
but this summer i felt better,
maybe because i didn't have high expectations of myself
i felt free
the wind hit my face and i enjoyed it
of course, during these moments i couldn't help but think of the previous events of the previous year
but i felt my soul being cleansed,
the sad moments from the previous year were replaced with happy ones
my tears dried up
my frown turned into a smile,
the summer soon turned into fall
a new school year filled with a dream of being successful again
life was still beautiful,
the warm summer sun soon turned into cloudy november days
the 16th of november i had lost 2 of my friends
we were different people, with different dreams, ambitions, personalities
i guess it was for the better
but it didn't hurt that much
winter came,
the beautiful rain took over the city
the beauty of the Christmas lights took over the houses
i then realized
life isn't that bad
you have to wait for everything to happen
the good, the bad
at the end everything will be something you'll remember
you cant live your life missing and regretting old parts of your life
i now sit on my couch, taking my nightly pills
thinking about last year and telling myself
once again
"it will all get better"
just like how it did last year

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