How to Survive Your 19th Life [BL]

Chapter 45: Nope!

"I love you," I said, looking at Emiel's hazel, mascara-smudged eyes. The words came out automatically. My eyes darted around. Snow and darkness.

I screamed and flung backwards as though someone were pushing me. My ass smacked hard against the cold snowy ground outside of Perkins Library. Pain shot down my legs. I was in a suit again, in front of Emiel who wore the same thing he did the night of the Sweetheart Dance. I looked up at him and found his gaze one of worry and shock.

"No, no, no!" I shouted, frantically crawling backwards away from him. Emiel stepped forward, reaching towards me. I swung an arm out and smacked his hands away. "Don't fucking touch me!"

This didn't make any sense. I was in Perkins... again with Emiel. He killed me. Like he did the first time.

My heart ached at the fresh memory. My finger roamed my scalp in an effort to find evidence of a wound. I was sure my skull cracked open. I surely just died. 

I searched my pockets for my phone and took it out. The date was the same. February 14th. It was the day I confessed to Emiel. The day we became official... Again.

I was living it for a third time.

There was no way this was possible. 

"I don't understand Solomon," Emiel said. His voice was barely a whisper. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied as I scrambled to my feet. He moved to help me up but I waved him off. Outside of possibly having a mental breakdown, my ass hurt from my fall. "I have to go."

I started walking away from him but he rushed over to me, blocking my path back to my dorm. His expression was dazed, almost hurt. "You just told me you love me," Emiel said. "I know you must be freaking out, but I... I feel the same."

The sad quiver in his voice turned my heart into mush. I smacked myself in the face, hard. Don't give in. This crazy bastard just killed me... I think. It was impossible to figure out what was real. 

Emiel continued, completely oblivious to my inner turmoil, though he stumbled on his words when I smacked myself. "I love you, Solomon. I always have."

Suspicion arose in me. "Where were we just now?" I asked. My eyes widened as I stared at him, trying to investigate every fraction of his face. "What just happened?"

"I don't know what you mean." He took a step back, actually looking as though he were afraid of me. "We just danced and... you said you loved me. Are you okay?"

He doesn't remember. The son of a bitch doesn't remember a thing!

There was no lying to myself this time. Something happened. Emiel killed me and... I came back here to this very moment. But things were already different now. I was creeping him out and I was sure that we wouldn't be having sex. Maybe I could avoid it. All I had to do was... 

My stomach soured. I had to avoid Emiel. 

"I'm sorry," I said. "I know it's confusing but... please stay away from me Emiel." I turned and started walking around him. Emiel grabbed my arm. 

I jumped and shoved him away as hard as I could. My body acted on its own. Emiel went flying into the snow, crashing with a loud thud. I raised my fists, ready to knock him out if he didn't stay down. Emiel scrambled to his feet and backed away from me.

"Leave me the fuck alone," I growled. I knew I must have looked insane. I was acting insane. My heart hammered in my chest. I was filled with both rage and fear. I had no idea why Emiel killed me. It could have been out of jealousy or maybe he was just a psycho... 

It didn't matter. I wasn't going to find out this time.