How to Survive Your 19th Life [BL]

Chapter 47: Nope!

Staying away from Emiel turned into an Olympic sport. One of the first things I did was block his number, since by morning, he'd sent me a dozen text messages asking to talk. I then had to block him on Instagram.

I went to class as usual the following days, but would see Emiel in the general area no matter where I was. He was usually just hanging around or talking to someone. Did he have my class schedule? He shouldn't have, especially since I hadn't given it to him in this life. 

It broke my heart to see him so miserable. I wasn't normally sentimental but something about him tugged on my heartstrings. The one thing I was good at, running away, was difficult.

I looped Malai in on the fact that Emiel and I didn't work out. I gave her some lame excuse about wanting to work on myself, and she seemed to buy it. I didn't want to talk about what was going on with anyone, at least not until I had it figured out. 

About a week into my evasion of Emiel, he showed up outside my dorm building about thirty minutes before one of my classes. I wasn't sure why I didn't expect him to take such a bold approach. 

"Why are you acting like this?" Emiel said as soon as I came outside. I jumped and almost headed back in, but this class was important. It was an important test that would decide 20% of our grade.

"I'm sorry Em," I said. I winced at how easily I said his nickname.  Memories of me saying that to him with gallons of affection came flooding in.

"You can't just tell me you love me and act like nothing happened."

"I was drunk," I lied, walking on the path that'd lead me to the Mohns Center where my class was held. Emiel walked next to me with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"We danced together all night. You weren't drunk."

There were plenty of lies and excuses, but most of them were dumb. What could I say to him now? I had no idea. The only person I ever confessed to was Henri, and our breakup was more of a gradual discontinuation.  This was a snap.

"I know it doesn't make sense, but I have really important reasons for avoiding you."

"Like what?" he asked, grabbing my arm to stop me. His eyes were so hurt. Even his mouth was turned downwards in a soft frown.

Shit, he's so cute.

"I don't think I can get over all the bullshit," I said. This lie was as close to the truth as I could get. "I mean, you and Shiva... you and Sylvia... I don't know. I don't want to get cheated on and I don't believe you're ready to settle down." My stomach warmed. I was damn good at improv sometimes. 

"I am ready," Emiel said firmly. "I want to be with you. What can I do to show you that?"

I took a step back and shook my head. My heart lurched and pained. I hated hurting him like this, but there's no way I would chance things this time. He killed me. I couldn't simply forget that. The problem was that this Emiel standing in front of me didn't know that – couldn't understand it even if I told him.

My dad was sick also. There was just too much going on for me to think straight.

"Just give me some space... and time," I said, caving a bit. 

Emiel nodded. "How much time do you need?"

"I don't know. A lot."

He nodded, then smiled. "Okay. Understood."

Emiel stared at me blankly. I nodded, not sure what else to say, so I ambled off to class. When I turned around, he was walking behind me, about twenty feet back. 

He followed me to class. When I was done with class, I found him waiting for me outside. And when I walked back to my apartment, he followed me there too. 

He did all of this with a smile on his face.