Glass Heart

chapter 4

It's been two weeks since the party. Two weeks since I last saw Dylan. Two weeks of feeling empty and lonely. 

I can't stop thinking about him, and it's driving me insane. He's all I can think about, and I don't want to.

Lunch is fucking hell. Honestly, I just wish it was a 10 minute period instead of 45 minutes.

 I don't really belong with The Friend Group. I'm too attached, like I need them and it haunts me. That feeling of loneliness, even with my friends, is crushing. I'm only in The Friend Group because of Mei. Mei dragged me into it, and I can't lose Mei. 

If I lose Mei, I'm done for.

I munch on my brownie as someone taps my shoulder. I turn around. It's Shayla. The Friend Group stops talking and stares at my sister. All the boys in The Friend Group think she's super hot.

"Summer?" She asks, her perfect lips curled into a frown. She's a senior, and probably the prettiest girl in school.

"What do you want, Shayla?" I snap, rolling my eyes.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but you're acting like a bitch. You know that, right? All I said was your name and you gave me a shitty response." She snaps back, her arms crossed now.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I speak slowly.

"Fine. Look, Mom and Dad are going out tonight.... Wait, come into the hallway with me. Your friends are staring at me. It's making me uncomfortable," she gives a nasty look to my friends and I give them an apologetic smile.

We walk into an empty hallway. 

She crosses her arms over her sweatshirt and puckers her lips. "You know the drill - they're headed to a friend's house after work, then a restaurant. And then they're staying in a fancy hotel overnight. They asked me to babysit you, but I'm not gonna do that. I'll be out at a party instead. You're staying home, and you can do whatever you want."

"Um, what?" I choke out a laugh. She glares at me and puckers her lips.

"You heard me."

"You're ditching me to go to a party?" I laugh. "You're so selfish!"

"You're so fucking annoying," she groans. "You don't need a babysitter. You're a junior!"

"You're an asshole for leaving me!" I snap back.

"I'm not the one who's a little freak," she snorts. I open my mouth to say something back, but I don't. I'm done with the arguing. Shayla has so much against me, so I can't be too mean with her.

"Fine. Whatever. I don't care."

"Whatever, bitch." She turns around on her expensive sneakers and struts out of the hallway, back to wherever she came from.

"Fuck you," I mumble when she's out of earshot.

***************

MEI: party @ Camerons @ 7?

ME: idk if i can go

MEI: why??

ME: parents aren't home + shayla is going to that party i think

MEI: who tf cares comeee plsss

ME: we'll see

MEI: okay!!!

I put down my phone on my night table and plop down on my bed. I grab the razor that I have hidden in my nightstand drawer and hold it in my palm.

I stare at the blade.

The sharp metal.

The blood.

The pain.

Everything I have gone through is on this razor.

My breathing slows.

My mind is blank.

Nothing.

I take a deep breath and lift my sleeve up, exposing my left arm. There are so many scars above my elbow, fresh and old. They aren't too noticeable as long as I wear long sleeves. I close my eyes. I dig the blade into my arm and slide it across.

***************

At 6:30, I change out of my clothes and put on a new outfit. I pull on a black shirt with long sleeves and blue flared jeans. I apply my normal makeup, but I decide to go with some bold eyeliner and glittery eyeshadow.

I smile at myself in the mirror.

It's a forced smile.

After spraying perfume on myself, I run down the stairs and head for the door. I see a figure downstairs by the door, waiting.

I'm not alone.

No.

I'm going to a party and Shayla won't ruin it for me.

"Where are you going?" Shayla smiles. She's wearing a white tank top and a pink miniskirt. Confirmed: She's going to the party.

"Why are you home?" I dodge her question.

"Because I forgot my heels for the party. Now, where are you going?" She bats her eyelashes innocently at me.

"I'm going to the party," I spit out.

"Hmm. Cameron's party? You know that's a college party, right? But seniors are invited because of Dylan? You're a junior. Oh, and I know you talked to Dylan at that party a few weeks back," She spits out. "Just so you know, Dylan likes me. He has for the past year."

"What?"

"Yup. I heard he's going to ask me to prom this year."

"Oh, just shut up." I hiss. "You're not about to ruin this for me, Shayla."

She scoffs. "You have a crush on him? Really?"

"No!" I yell, not looking her in the eye. "I barely even know him. He barely knows me."

"I can't believe this. You have a crush on the guy who's about to fuck me!"

"He's not going to fuck you. He's not even going to talk to you. Because, unlike me, you're a fucking narcassist. I don't think Dylan's into those kinds of girls." I growl. She laughs loudly.

"God, you're so funny," she covers her mouth, "I mean, really! You think a boy would like you? That's so funny. You're pathetic, August. Pathetic and weak. That's why Cedar-"

"Stop!" I feel the tears forming in my eyes. I look up, holding in the tears. I swear to fucking God, if Shayla continued that sentance, I would've died.

She presses her lips together. Then, she walks over to me and grabs my hand tightly. "Now, let's go to the party. Together."

"What? Why?"

"Because we're sisters and we have to stick together," she smiles, as if everything she just said to me didn't happen.

"What the hell, Shayla?" I let go of her grasp and open the door. "As if we're sisters! We might be sisters by blood, but by choice, no." I slam the door in her face and I walk to my car quickly before she can stop me.