Glass Heart

chapter 8

I've stopped crying and have been waiting in Mrs. Reddi's room for my parents to come. I know she called my parents and told them everything. 

Mrs. Reddi has come back a couple of times to check in on me, each time giving me a lolipop. 

The door slams open from Mrs. Reddi's office and she barges over to me, handing me a blue raspberry Dumdum. "Here ya go. So, feeling better?" 

I dodge her question. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Yes, of course, but security needs to be with you." 

 I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

"Don't you give me an attitude, Summer. You're lucky your parents didn't have a heart attack when I told them everything that was going on." I raise my eyes at her and open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. "Go ahead, use the bathroom. Stella's right outside and she'll escort you into the bathroom." 

"I don't need to use the bathroom anymore." 

"Well, do you want to just sit here, then?"

"Yeah."

The day goes by slowly and I haven't heard from anyone yet. I have my phone, and I texted my friends that I'm sick and that I've been at the nurse all day. I can't ever let my friends know what I'm going through. 

Even Mei doesn't know about what I'm going through. Ironically, she's against self harm. She makes fun of people who have scars and says they're attention seekers and suicidal people. That's why I've never told her about it. I'm too scared. Too weak. 

When it's around 12:00 pm, there's a knock on the door. 

"Come in," Mrs. Reddi calls out, and the door opens. I glance at the door and see my mom. "Ah, you must be Summer's Mom!" Mrs. Reddi rushes over to my mom and greets her. They whisper to eachother for a few minutes, not even acknowledging my existence. 

"Summer," my Mom says as she walks up to me. "How are you feeling? Have you eaten anything?"

"Mom, can we just go? I don't feel good and I want to go home." I stand up, grab my backpack and walk towards the door. 

"Summer, this situation isn't easy for anyone, including me. We need to have a talk and I think having Mrs. Reddi included in the conversation would help," Mom says, gently. I don't respond. Even if I argue back, I'll have to have the talk, eventually. 

"Let's go into my office and discuss the options we have. I have one thing in mind that I think would be very beneficial for Summer, but I need your opinion as well, Mrs. Hansley," Mrs. Reddi leans on the doorframe of her office. 

"Oh, Mrs. Reddi, it's Ms. Thatcher now. My husband and I are getting divorced soon," Mom explains as she drags me into Mrs. Reddi's office. 

"Oh, okay Ms. Thatcher. Sorry, but can you please tell me more about this divorce?" Mrs. Reddi asks as we take our seats around a big meeting table. 

"Nothing unusual. Just didn't feel the spark anymore," Mom laughs. I stare at her, knowing damn well she's lying. She stares back at me, her eyes hiding the sadness. 

"Are you sure that's it?" Mrs. Reddi asks.

"Well, my husband did cheat on me, but that's all in the past. That's why we're getting divorced." 

"I think this situation is taking a toll on Summer's mental health. Have you noticed a change in her attitude ever since you found out your husband was cheating?" Mrs. Reddi has her clipboard out again, and she's already writing shit down.

"Well, no. She's been quiet ever since high school started. I thought it was just puberty and normal teenage girl hormones, but..." She turns to face me and now her eyes are teary. I look away. I don't want to see my mom cry because of me. 

"So, the divorce wasn't the cause of her depression?" Depression? Since when did Doctor Reddi diagnose me with fucking depression? 

"No, definitely not. But it might've taken a toll on her."

"Alright, I was just checking." Mrs. Reddi takes a sip from her mug, which smells like coffee. "So, Summer won't open up about anything. She won't talk about what's causing her to self harm and her suicidal thoughts and what started this depression.

This is why I think it's best for her to go to a psychiatric hospital for a little."

"What?!" I shout and stand up from my seat. "Mom, I can't-"

"It'll be great for her to get help and to be away from here for a while," Mrs. Reddi interrupts me.

"You're not sending me to some mental asylum!" I shout. "I'm not a suicidal fucking freak!" 

"Summer, calm down. You're overreacting," Mrs. Reddi sighs. "Ms. Thatcher, are you okay with this?"

Mom takes a deep breath and turns to me. "Summer, this isn't the first time I've heard that you've self harmed. Shayla told me a while ago that you cut yourself. She then told me it was a joke, so I never thought to talk to you about it. I guess I should've, just in case. That mean's this has been going on for a while. I think it's a good idea, especially since you have such a hard time opening up about everything. It might help you."

"Oh my fucking god, Mom! You don't get it! You never do!" I scream. 

"Watch your mouth, Summer!" Mom's eyes grow wide and her nostrils flare. "I'm not letting this go. You need help. Maybe being at the hospital for a while would be good for you."

"This is why Dad cheated on you, Mom! Don't you get it? You run away from the problems! You could've worked things out with Dad, but you chose to run away from the problems and ruin the rest of this fucked up family." 

"That's enough, Summer!" Mrs. Reddi snaps and tries to grab my wrist, but I dodge. 

"And you never listen to me. I try to talk to you, but you're always working! I'm surprised you even have the time to come to this meeting." 

"Summer, this is a very serious matter. We had to call the police because you had a suicide attempt!" Mrs. Reddi yells. 

"I didn't have a suicide attempt! I never did! Stop saying things that never fucking happened!" 

"Mrs. Reddi, I'm so sorry," Mom starts apologizing, her cheeks red and wet. She's been crying. 

"I didn't try to commit suicide. You can't send me to the hospital! You can't!" 

I'm crying because my Mom's crying. 

I'm crying because I might be sent away.

I'm crying because I'm a freak.

I'm crying because everything's falling apart.

Everything is happening too fast. I need time to let myself think about what's happening. 

"It's the best option, Summer. Even if you haven't attempted, you will in the future. This is why you have to be sent away." Mrs. Reddi says, calmly. 

"You're wrong," I say, barely audible. 

"No, you're the one who's wrong," Mom pipes up. She's glaring at me. I think she's sick of me. "You're wrong about a lot of things. You don't think I know you've been drinking and starving yourself?" 

"Oh my god, just stop!" I put my hands over my head and start pacing around the room. 

"Summer, sit down," Mrs. Reddi instructs firmly.

"Why should I? It's not like any of you are going to listen to me, anyway."

"That's the final straw, Summer." Mom grabs my arm so I can stop walking. She holds me in place. I don't even try to wiggle out of her grip. 

She faces Mrs. Reddi. "Mrs. Reddi, I think it's best if we send Summer away for a bit."