Ocean Of Need

39 👻 Questions

1st June Cont...

I sit up in bed. Try and make sense of everything, but the more I think about my dream, the more convinced I am that you didn't leave me.

Did someone get to you? Did you have to run? Or, worst still, has someone got you trapped? The list of possibilities of who might have you is long, and also short. 1 My family - of which there are many. 2 Jameson.

If you'd betrayed me I would already be in Scotland by now. But what instead, you had let the secret of me slip? However much you didn't want that to happen, it is still possible. Because if you were making plans to get us both out of here you could have trusted the wrong person. And if word got back to Jameson, and he got spooked because he didn't want my family to know where I was...

Is it possible that Jameson has known about me all along? He has a big heart, huge, in fact. Was he protecting me from my family? Protecting me from myself by never letting me know that he knew my real name? Never giving me the opportunity to make the mistake of talking about them? Of giving them away, or of making myself a target? Now that does sound like Daddy.

What was it you said in the dream? "The vultures are circling..." You said that before. The morning after the night I was in the cage. What did you mean by it? If I hadn't been so all over the place that day I would have asked you. But all I could think of that day was protecting you, and stopping you from leaving me. What I should have been asking was, who are the vultures, why are they circling, and who are they coming for - you - or me?

My blood runs cold. There's a lot about Jameson I don't know. A lot I never asked about. But I've seen the fear in people's eyes when they realise who he is. And I'm not a fool, I have an idea of what could he be capable of. Fuck.

Could there be a third possibility? Could Freya be part of this? She acts like my real life fairy God-Mother. Treats me like a daughter. Especially right now, when sleeping and eating have become an almost impossible task. But could she be something to do with your disappearance? Could she be helping Jameson? Or is she playing her own game?

Where the fuck are you? Are you in pain? Are you hungry? Cold? Scared?

Or are you just working and can't call me? But if you are working, who are you working for and why in two weeks have you not been able to find a moment to call me?

I pull myself out of bed and grab my phone. I need answers, and if I can't get any answers, I at least need to try and find you.

There's only one person I can talk to and that's Roxy. She's the only one that's not attached to Jameson, or Freya. And even though you told me not to trust her, she is the only person I know here, other than Freya and you in San Francisco.

I punch her number into my phone. Listen to the ringing. On the seventeenth ring she picks up. 'Amber?' she croaks, 'What's the time?'

I check my watch, 'Six am. Sorry Roxy, I didn't realise. But it's urgent. Have you had any word on MaCallan? Anything at all?'

'Urmmm, kinda,' she murmurs sleepily, 'But I don't think you're going to like it. Listen I can't talk right now, I have company if you know what I mean. But I'll meet you at Johnny's Bar tonight at nine.'

'But Roxy, can't you just tell....' But she's already gone and my phone screen has gone black. Fuck, how long is it till nine, and how am I supposed to get through the day knowing she knows something about where you are, but not knowing what it is?

I get back into bed, grab half a valium from the bedside drawer, swallow it dry, and burrow back down under the covers. Sometimes the only way to get through is to get completely obliterated. This is one of those times.