✒ sa madilim na silid, nakaupo, hawak-hawak ang plumang pangguhit, kinukulayan ang bawat dibuhong iyong kawangis, nalulunod sa ilusyon, iniisip ka | kris
К сожалению, это изображение не соответствует нашим правилам. Чтобы продолжить публикацию, пожалуйста, удалите изображение или загрузите другое.
She confessed to certain guys, smart guys, handsome guys, tall guys, short guys, but in the end she cries.
She tried to confess her feelings through a letter, a lovely vintage letter. Trying to bring back the old trend, thinking that her crush was as romantic as her. Soaking the paper to a cup of coffee, burning it's edges with a lighter-not minding the burns, just to make it beautiful.
Write the words in it the best that she can. Struggling not to write a mistake, not to misspell, not to be cringe, not to be redundant, and not to beat around the bush.
Yet she ended up being rejected.
They became friends at the end. That wasn't that traumatic for her. Not that sad. Not that painful. They started off being friends, they ended up being not so much likely like a friend.
She tries. Then after a month she found the man she thinks who's as romantic as her. This time, much more masculine, much more competitive, yet he's the rival type of her game.
She kept in touch, thinking that there might be a chance. Smiling at him, looking at him, admiring him, slowly but surely... that fades away.
A reason why that kept her ground shaking. She lowered her walls for nothing. The efforts for nothing. Her sky fell the moment she knew that he was desperately-like her's to him-in love with someone else.
The confession letter contains everything. The color of the sky when he's around was scarlet. The music that plays into her mind when he passes by was I Wanna Be Yours, and Always. She stated that glasses with black frame and orange glass suits him best. She stated how her world turns when he's wearing polo shirts. Blue suits him well. She stated how perfect he was, just for her. She added words that are magical to understand.
But after all...
She never won. She cries a dry tear. The pain wasn't seen. It's hidden in her chest for a long time, 'til her heart strings ate that sadness. She will never move on. She wouldn't. She couldn't.
She might be happy, but she's still traumatized.
She said she won't love again. Or even admire someone. Even a tiny bit.
She believed in a Psychology fact, that when you feel like you're strangling, feel like someone was choking you, and it hurts in the neck, it's hard to swallow, hand to breathe, then you're positive about a disease called sadness.
You're not alone but you feel lonely. People around you are happy, but you just couldn't do the same...
"Let's dance" she said.
Kinuha n'ya ang kamay ko at pinaikot ko naman s'ya.
"Ganon lang?" bumagsak ang balikat n'ya.
"I don't like dancing" maikli kong tugon.
"Dancing is fun" hindi ko nalang s'ya pinansin at naglakad papalayo "that's what lovers do though... right we aren't lovers, but for sure I'm your bestest best friend, so you should dance with me properly"
"Ayaw ko"
"Tsk, I should get you a girlfriend"
"What for?"
"You know what love will do to you?" My friend Bea asked me out of nowhere. Kasalukuyang naglalakad kami pauwi ng bahay. Her house is close to mine, that's why we became friends.
She's my classmate since elementary. And until now, we're graduating next week, still friends.
"No" maikli kong tugon. Hindi ako makatitig sa kanya dahil... ayaw ko lang s'yang tignan. Mas lalong bumilis ang lakad ako nang marinig ko ang pag buntong-hininga n'ya.
"Justine!" tawag n'ya sa akin. Hindi tumigil ang paa ko sa paglalakad "wait up! I'll tell you the answer" sabay takbo n'ya papalapit sa akin.
"What is it then?"
"Love will make you feel alive. Love will change your perspective. Love will color your world!" she exclaimed with excitement in her voice. Napatigil ako at napatitig sa mga mata n'ya.
Her eyes shine brighter than the moon, the stars, and these street lights. I smiled at her the moment the truth sinks in. Napayuko ako at napapikit.
"No, it doesn't"
"Yeah, guess my definition wasn't for all" she pouted and smiled a bit "kailan ka magkakaroon ng girlfriend? Lima na ata anak ko n'yan hindi ka pa kinakasal" seryoso n'yang saad.
She's getting married next week with the boy she needs, she dreamt of, she likes, and she loves.
Muli kaming naglakad. She wrapped her hands on my arm "I don't know, hindi na ata ako magkakaroon ng girlfriend"
"Bakit naman?!" She asked me. Hindi na ako sumagot at ngumiti nalang.
...because there's that something, that feeling that you can't expalain.
Jealousy and regret.
She was broken and I was there.
But I didn't took that as a chance to confess my feelings for her. Siguro tama s'ya, hindi na ako magkakaroon ng girlfriend.
Because...
I just couldn't be happy if I weren't with her.
Kung sakali naman, ay parang malabo.
She was happy and still, I was here.
Her best man.
"Standing here today, watching you marry the love of your life, I am filled with bittersweet joy, knowing that the happiest day of your life is also the hardest day of mine"
