Alvin's Hidden Life

Chapter 15: Dave: Another Failed Lecture

"ALVINNN!!! Quit riding your skateboard in the house! You know the rule about that!"

"Oh Dave, it's great to see you too! My day was awesome. How was yours?"

"Al—"

"Dave! I need positivity in my life. A caring father figure. A kind caretaker. All I try to do is please you and the first thing I come home to is you shouting my name at the top of your lungs. What else can I do to make you happy Dave?"

"I'll tell you what you can do. You can stop riding your skateboard around in the house. I've only told you three days in a row not to ride your skateboard in the house, so don't try to act like I'm the villain here. Go put your school stuff in your room and then get back down here. We need to have a talk."

"A talk! No, please! But Dave—!"

"We're not arguing about it Alvin."

"Ugh... fine!"

I took a deep breath as Alvin went upstairs to put his stuff away. I had to hope he wouldn't make the conversation impossible because it was a really important one. I needed him to be nice to Brittany while she was going through her current phase. I had promised to help her. I was sure that in a few days it would all be over, but until then, I had to make sure I didn't let him break her heart.

"Okay Dave let's get this over with. What do we need to talk about? Oh! Wait! Did report cards come home early! Dave, I'm sorry, I really do try my hardest and—"

"No Alvin, this is about Brittany."

"Brittany! So you know she's an alien now too!"

"No, Brittany came and talked to me because she was upset that you thought she was an alien."

"So she did get to you..."

"No Alvin, she didn't 'get to me.' I think you are hurting her feelings."

This conversation was already leaning in the wrong direction, and I could only tell it was headed further downhill.

"Dave! She's just saying that because she doesn't want me spreading the truth about her. Dave, I'm sorry, but I can see she's taken over your brain too. In fact, I bet she's even going to call you tonight, to devise some secret plans with you!"

"Don't be ridiculous Alvin. She—"

I stopped in the middle of my sentence because I noticed that my phone had just begun to ring.

"What!"

"Aha! It's Brittany! I knew you were consorting with the enemy. Don't pick it up Dave or you know what's going to happen."

I couldn't believe the chances for that to happen. That was some pretty bad luck, and Brittany probably ruined any of my chances to save her from Alvin. As much as I wanted to think I had control over my son, I really didn't. Parenting him was so much harder than anyone could imagine. I decided I was better off not answering the call, because our conversation we were having was way more important.

"No Alvin, I actually don't know what's going to happen, but I'm not going to answer her call until we finish our conversation. She'll call again if she really needs something. Now, Alvin, I want you to take a look out the window for a second. You see the white picket fence?"

I was about to make a really good point, but I was once again interrupted by the phone ringing. I figured I would have to take it, because it could've been an emergency. The calls definitely wouldn't be helpful in my talk with Alvin.

("Dave, Alvin can't hear can he?")

I rolled my eyes, and headed toward the door to go downstairs

("One second.")