Poems probably

The stars

I lie here, awake. 

I have been staring at the stars.

But then again, when am I not?

My head is feeling heavy, and my body feels numb. I sit here, on the grass, staring up at the sky with wide eyes. 

That's it, that's all.

I trace the constellations I know, and I'll see countless ones I don't. I can feel my body falling asleep. My brain doesn't really work like the rest of me. it's wide awake, smouldering and churning restlessly.

It's so beautiful, all of it. Everything is so beautiful.

I find myself crying again.

Maybe it's from the overwhelming consumption of serenity in my surroundings, the drowning sensation of peace and ecstasy that come with loving what I love.

Even if my love is tinged with a guilty red. 

There is no bad without good, and no love without hate.

It makes me wonder how bad things are gonna get, when nights like this make me feel like i'm more than human.

I find myself crying again. 

Maybe it's from the overwhelming love I have for everything around me, or the hate that comes with it. The love and the beauty, the joy and the satisfaction in the smallest of details and one and the same, the entire complete picture. 

Maybe it's from the beauty. Or maybe it's from the ache in my arms, the strain on my eyes, the blur in my thinking, the ceaseless effort to take it all in.

Maybe it's from the beauty. Or it's from the pain of staying awake so I can tell myself it's there.

I am looking at the stars.