Losing Andy (A Saving Andy Story)

Chapter Six:

Chapter Six: 

Andy's Point of View:

I was sitting in a crowded cafe with Eleanor across from me. We had made it to New York maybe an hour ago, and we both deprived of caffeine. So, naturally, coffee was our first stop. 

"Do you remember the night that you called me after your divorce had officially gone through?" El asked easily, as if she were asking me about the weather or where I had gotten my designer handbag. Not as if she were asking me about one of the worst nights of my life.

It was most likely the worst night of my life. A night that I'm not sure how I made it out alive. 

I remember driving down the road on my way back to Niall, Liv, and Arran. I had been out buying us some groceries, and was planning on making a big breakfast for them the next morning. I had just started feeling like my old self again, and I wanted to share my happiness with them.

I remember my phone ringing. I remember my lawyer explaining that she knew it was late, but she wanted to tell me that I was now a single woman. 

Looking back I remember the black sky and the streetlights that were beginning to blur because of the tears that filled my eyes. I tried to blink the back, but I couldn't. Before I knew it I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles were turning white. I was sobbing so hard that I could barely see the road in front of me. 

I knew that in another accident I may not get off as luckily as I had before. With the still healing trauma to my head, I may not even survive another accident. 

"It isn't a night I like to remember." I answered her cautiously, not sure where she was going with this. 

I honestly felt like the pain in my chest that night would have killed my before the vehicle I was in would ever have the chance. Instead of pulling over like I should have, I pressed down on the gas pedal harder than before. Maybe I was thinking that I could out run my problems, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I wanted to be moving. I had to keep going. I had to get to Niall, and it would all be okay.

"You scared me that night, A." She said simply, taking a sip of her overpriced coffee. 

I had scared myself that night as well.

I remember my phone, in my passenger's seat, lighting up with a notification that I had ten percent battery remaining. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before it died, so if I was going to call for help it had to be sooner rather than later.

I remember the relief I had felt when I saw that restaurant lit up and cars in the parking lot. I remember thinking that looked like a great place to have a breakdown.  

I pulled in with shaky hands and tried to pull myself together. I knew that if I had made a call in the state that I was in, no one would be able to understand a word that I said. I also knew that if I had tried to keep driving myself, I wouldn't make it home. Wherever home was.

When I picked up my phone, it wasn't Niall's number that I had dialed. I hadn't wanted him to worry Liv or Arran. Instead, I called the only other person I could think of. I called Eleanor. 

I told her the name of the restaurant and which town I was in before my phone died. She didn't even have the chance to tell me that she was on her way. All I could do was sit in that parking lot a hope.

There was one thing about that night that would forever be burned into my mind. The look on Eleanor's face when she had gotten out of her car and saw me sobbing in mine. I can't explain the look of worry or pain that I had seen on my best friend's face. 

She didn't say a word before she opened my door and pulled me out of my car. She pulled me into a hug, and it was the first time that night I felt like I may actually survive it.

She didn't ask me any questions that night, and to this day I owe her for that. That night I learned what true friendship was. She took me back to her apartment and sat with me on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa while I cried myself to sleep. 

When I woke up the next morning, we were both still on her sofa. Eleanor's cheeks were red, and I wondered if she had been crying herself. 

Even when she woke up and started making breakfast, she still didn't ask any questions as I just layer their staring at the ceiling above me. 

It was days before I could explain to Eleanor what had happened that night and months before I had to courage to tell Niall. That was my darkest night, and it broke my heart to think about it. 

"Why didn't you ever ask me what happened?" I whispered, hoping that I didn't come off as rude. 

"Because it was your story, Andy. It was your fight, and I knew that you would tell that story when you were ready. I never wanted to tell you to 'get over it' or 'let it go' like so many people told me after Louis and I broke up, even though I had broken up with him, it still hurt. It also hurt me to see you in so much pain that night." She admitted, and I felt a new respect for her than I had before.

I guess I really didn't understand what true friendship was until I was sitting in that coffee shop in New York City with Eleanor finally talking about one of the darkest moments of my life. 

"Why bring it up now?" I asked somberly, watching the people outside of the shop run around in search of some shelter from the rain. 

"Because I'm proud of who you've become since then. You're stronger than I've ever seen you, Andy. It makes me proud to be your best friend." She said with a grin that I had to return. 

I must have been so wrapped up in my memories that I hadn't noticed the two men sitting in the corner come in. I hadn't noticed the way that one of the men looked at me as though he were a blind man seeing the rain for the first time. I hadn't noticed the way that his heart sped up, or he lost his train of thought. I hadn't noticed that he was the man that I was just talking about.

"That's enough of the depressing stuff. Let's go do some shopping." El suggested, and I was never one to turn down new shoes.

Without sparing the men in the corner a glance, I threw my empty cup away and followed Eleanor through the streets of New York. 

"I need a new handbag, and I promised Louis that I would bring him a new wallet-" Eleanor rambled off her shopping list, but I couldn't listen.

My mind was still stuck in the past. It was stuck in that car in the restaurant parking lot. It was still where I was crying my eyes out over a man that I would most likely love for the rest of my life.

"Andy, are you listening to me?" Eleanor asked, but I just shook my head. I honestly hadn't heard a word that the brunette had said.

"Niall told me the other night that he could never hurt me like Harry did. I didn't realize until now that he was right. Sure, Niall is safe and warm and makes me happy, but he could never shatter me like Harry did. If Niall left me, it would hurt, but it wouldn't take me a week to get off your couch. The pain would end, not like the pain I still feel from where Harry left me. Maybe that's why I can't marry him. We don't have the passion, but that doesn't mean I don't love him." I finally woke up and admitted the truth to myself. The truth that Niall could see all along. 

"Of course you love Niall, A. You just have to decide if you can see a future with him." She told me before looping her arm through mine and dragging me into the nearest store.

The thing was, I could see a future with Niall. A future where we grow old together and die together in our sleep like in The Notebook. Only, was that the kind of love story that I wanted? Was I going to be okay with only being content for the rest of my life? That was something that I wasn't sure about. 

I shook myself from my thoughts and went to looking for Carson some new clothes. She needed an outfit for her upcoming audition, and she would be happy that I had brought her something back. 

Maybe it was time to admit the truth about my youngest daughter to myself, since I was being honest with myself.