ᴄʜᴀsɪɴɢ ʀᴀɪɴʙᴏᴡ

~49. Hold and suffer or learn to let go

I've Been Waiting - Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen feat. Fall Out Boy

"What about you, Jungkook?" Bong-Cha asked, a glass in her hand as she stared at him sitting across the table in a quaint cafe on the corner of the street.

While people took turns talking about their favorite food, or the latest Netflix watch, Jungkook tried not to focus on Jimin's cologne. The man was sitting beside him after leaving a chair in between, but it seemed he could ensnare Jungkook's senses and attention. "I... haven't been watching much lately," he tried to smile, his face indicative of his predicament.

"Man! You need to start living!" Mingyu chimed. "Your answers are very negative to everything we asked you. I am taking you out tonight."

Jungkook smiled politely, feeling uncomfortable for being called out like that. They didn't know what he went through, so it was understandable they didn't comprehend his situation, but he still wanted them to stop being curious.

Jimin was observing Jungkook out of the corner of his eyes. For six years, he was looking for this man who was sitting beside him, hardly eating and doing his best to not spare a single look at him. He hadn't spoken to Jungkook directly, and the other two were noticing it, too. "Do you paint at home?" He finally asked, not a question that was too personal, but also not something impersonal either.

Jungkook knew he couldn't ignore his boss completely. If it were just him, he would've walked away from Jimin. He wouldn't have come with Jimin in the first place. But with two other people in the presence whose boss was also Jimin, he felt obligated to speak. His stomach roiled, protesting against wanting to acknowledge Jimin's question. "Not anymore."

"Waah!" Mingyu burst out laughing. "You are not a man of words. I see."

"Let's not pressure our new member," Jimin quickly cut in between. "Jungkook needs his time."

Jungkook's heart pounded. He subtly touched his chest, not believing the speed with which his pulse thumped. He couldn't mistake Jimin's kindness for anything else. He was merely saving him embarrassment, but his heart was the biggest rebel. He could train each body part to hate Jimin, but not his heart. It would always stand against him, siding with the one who ruined it.

He took a long breath as the three continued a light conversation. The cutlery clanked against the dishes as they cut through the meat. They ordered more food, but he just sat there.

When he'd first decided to run a marathon, the idea was exciting, but the preparation was the damndest thing. And tougher than the actual preparation was the period between the two. He doubted himself, thinking that it was impossible to run 5K without stopping. He wondered what would happen if he collapsed, or if he failed to take the first steps at all.

He felt a similar dread again, only thrice as bad. He decided years ago that he needed to forget Jimin, and what he thought was the real process to move on turned out to be a big failure. The last six years accounted for nothing. The real struggle was starting now. He knew he had to start again, but the apprehension lingered. What was the guarantee that he would be able to do it this time? Was Jimin so easy to forget, especially when he had come bashing all his defenses, leaving him bare?

But like the last time, he knew he couldn't quit. He had to try the hardest because there was no way he was coming out of it alive if he failed.

It seemed like the day had stretched to Jungkook, but after the lunch concluded in two hours, he pulled himself up and said goodbyes to Bong Cha before walking across the street to get inside the Art gallery.