Chaper 1- How It is Now

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Chapter 1

How It Is Now

Kaiser Donovan

I threw the ball at the wall, waiting for it to return. Catching it when it did, I repeated the process. I looked at the time, 6:34.

Still have an hour left, I thought and sighed.

I threw the ball again. I hit the wall making the ball roll away. Getting up to catch it, I watched as it rolled all the way to the staircase. It hit the bottom step before coming to a stop. I picked the ball up before realizing that it was wet.

Ew, did it roll in water, I thought, I hope it's water.

Walking to the kitchen, I turned on the faucet to wash my hands. Suddenly, I stopped.

Blood, I thought, it's blood.

I immediately dropped the ball backing away from it. Then, it started.

It started.

The thing that kept me up every single night.

Every single time I hear, my heart stops. It ran shivers up my spine.

The song. That song.

No!, I yelled in my head, turn it off.

Sliding to the floor, I placed my knees against my chest and my head on my knees, while hyperventilating.

I heard the door open and the footsteps that followed.

No, go away, please! Go away, I begged to myself, please, leave me alone, please!

I listened as the footsteps got closer and my breathing became more ragged.

I shot up in my bed, breathing heavily. I placed my hand against my chest trying to calm myself.

It was just a dream, Kai, I thought, just a dream. He's gone. I repeated that thought in my head until my heart beat was normal.

I looked over at the time, 6:59. I threw the covers off of myself and swung my feet to the side of the bed. Standing up, I walked to the bathroom, turning all of the lights on before stepping into the shower.

He's gone, I told myself, you're safe he can't get you here.

That's what I had been told when I woke up in the hospital tied down to the bed. You tried to kill yourself, they told me even though I had no reclamation of it. I had panicked at being tied down. I hated being tied down because he would do it to me.

No, don't think about that, I thought, I'm safe now, I'm safe.

I snapped my rubber band repeatedly before getting out the shower.

I walk back into my bedroom. Walking to my closet, I opened both doors. I pulled out a striped button up shirt, and black jeans. I got dressed before during down on my bed. Again, I looked at the time, 7:34.

26 minutes until school, I sighed.

Walking downstairs, I found my dad sitting at the kitchen island. He looked up and saw me.

"Good morning Kaiser." he said.

I nodded. I tried not to notice his sigh of defeat.

"Are you hungry? I can make you breakfast." he asked.

I shook my head no.

"Come on, you didn't eat dinner."

I shook my head again.

"Kai please." he said in a defeated tone.

Sighed on the inside, I nodded.

He smiled and jumped up and said, "See, I knew you were hungry."

I smiled, shaking my head.

My dad loved to cook. I remember when I was younger, we would cook breakfast for mom and take it upstairs for her.

Dad placed a plate of food, eggs and bacon. He watched me as I ate. When I finished, I dropped the plate in the sink. I grabbed my bag from the coat rack. Sitting down, I waited for my father.

My head shot up when the doorbell rang. I looked towards my father's room. The bell rang again. I looked at the door before sighing and getting up. Walking to the door, I exhaled loudly. Once I got there, I quickly open the door. There stood, August Griffin. He had wavy dark brown hair and baby blues. He was about 5'10. He looked at me and smiled.

"Hi, Kai." he said smiling brightly.

I waved at him softly.

"I was wondering if you, you know, needed a ride to school." he asked shyly.

Smiling, I shook my head no. I pointed upstairs illustrating that my dad was going to take me.

"Oh, you're waiting for your dad." he said and I nodded. "Well...could I take you tomorrow?"

No! You can't!, I wanted to yell.
But looking at how sad he was when I said no. I looked down.

"You don't have to say yes," he said sadly, "Its okay."

He started to walk away and I let him.

Sighing, I closed the door.

Kai, you're supposed to be trying to get better and that means being friendly, I thought. Once again, I sighed.

I heard my dad footsteps.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

Looking up at him, I nodded.

I have to try, I told myself, if I want to get better I have to try.

We got into his car and the whole ten minute drive, I stared out the window.

When we approached the school, my father said, "I'll pick you up at 2:30 to take you to home. Ms. McCain said that spending time with others would be a great way to get better."

I sighed loudly, letting him know that I hated socializing.

"Please try today." he said giving me a pleading look.

I opened the door stepping out the car. Turning around, I waved at him.

Bye dad, I wanted to say, I love you.

But I didn't. Instead I walked to the school building and inside.

School, one of the things I dread the most ever since coming home. On my first day back, August had been waiting for me. Everyone felt the need to pity me and I hated pity.

It was horrible. Everyone looking at me, trying to talking to me. But August was there. He was sure not to touch because my father told him not to. Because I couldn't handle being touched. I remember when someone accidentally touch me and I had a full on panic attack. But August was there and he made sure that no one touched me. And I blew him off. I sighed. I went to my locker, taking out my first period book, I continued my day.

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