Through Thick and Thin

Fight Song

All those things I didn't say

Wrecking balls inside my brain

I will scream them loud tonight

Can you hear my voice tonight?

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

There it was. That eerie heart monitors beep again. It reminded me of the failure which I am. I couldn't protect her. I was blind. I was oblivious. I was ignorant. She was in front of me this entire time and no matter how hard I thought back, I didn't notice changes in her. I didn't know. I should have known. I shouldn't have pushed her away, No, I should have realized that even the ones who looked the happiest were hurting the worst. She was my best friend like my sister like my guardian like my mother. She was there for me when I faced the worst and now everything had switched so suddenly. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know.

I wondered if she was ever going to tell me. I wondered if she was ever going to confess the inner evil tearing from the inside out. The fears that made her sob until her heart ached. The nightmares that kept her wide awake. The frustration that she kept pent up inside of her. The insecurities that stopped her from looking at her reflection in the mirror. Would she have ever told me? Did she even once think that I would listen to her? Did she even bother to take me into consideration? I would have listened to her. I would have acknowledged her. I would have been the pillar of support for once. I would have done whatever it took to keep her from this state. But I was too late.

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now my I'll be strong.

Depression. She didn't tell me. I didn't ask either. I always assumed that her life was perfect. That she was happy. That she was content. That she didn't face the issues that other people did. I didn't know her struggles. I didn't know that her smile was forced. I didn't know that her laughs were untrue. She played the role of a happy friend perfectly and I was the blind fool that played along. She told me to treasure what I had. I didn't know what I have until it was gone. She was right and now I'm sitting at her bedside in a captive room of white reeking with medicine and Windex wallowing with regret and guilt. I want her to open her eyes and look at me with a smile on her face and then to tell me that she was right. I wanted to hear it. I needed to hear it. I had to hear it. I wanted to cry, bawl my eyes out, beg, and plead for her to wake up. But I need to be strong, not for me alone but for her too.

She would have done the same for me.

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if no one else believes me...

Because I've still got a lot of fight left in me