𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐝 // 𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

50: i'll call

jules

"hi my love." clauida warmly embraced me into her hold. "you smell good."

"you look pretty." i smiled, but i could feel my droopy face.

"how are you doing babe?" she held my hand as we walked to her living room.

"living." i nodded with that same smile. "i'm trying."

"i know you are, be patient with yourself." she told me. "you've got this, i know you do." she squeezed my hand.

"i know, im just scared and worried that billie is struggling too because of me." i told her.

"she loves you, she's not struggling she just wants you to be okay." she told me.

"no, she's struggling." i shook my head. "i know it, you don't have to ease me like that."

"and isn't that because she's also trying? she's fighting for the both of you. that is not a bad thing as long as you're fighting together to make it okay." she replied.

"yeah, you're right." i nodded.

"you told me you got tests done." she reminded me, but she really didn't because it has been on my mind ever since i learned it.

"i'm officially diagnosed with depression." i sighed. "again."

"okay, we knew this but we wanted you to be diagnosed so you could receive the best possible treatment." she nodded and i could tell she was trying to react correctly, there isn't a right way to react to this though. "it's okay julie, it's going to be okay. i'm here, i'm always here."

"i don't want to be like this." i shook my head as she held me.

"i know you don't, this is temporary. remember that one quote you like? everything has an expiration date, everything is temporary, every emotion is temporary." she kissed the top of my head.

"it's temporary." i nodded reminding myself.

we just stayed there, holding one another in silence for a little bit. "billie and i can't figure out how to make it work, one day we're on cloud nine the other we are both crying because of each other and then comforting each other."

"why don't you talk to me about it? why am i just hearing this now?" she asked me.

"what would you do about it?" i chuckled.

"talking about it to another person can help you gather your thoughts and not act on just emotions. i can be there for you and guide you though difficult times. you know that it helps, you just need to take that one step and just call me." she answered.

"i didn't want to admit that we were fighting." i replied. "im hurting her a lot clauida and i don't know how to stop. she doesn't know how i can be like when im like this, im scared." i expressed. "she's only begging to find out and im scared that our love for each other won't be enough."

"billie is not going to give up on you." she shook her head. "remember when you rejected her? did she give up then?"

"no."