Hidden Investigations (#Wattys2015)

chapter six

             I opened my eyes and saw people gathering around a white car. I didn't understand anything. I made my way through the crowd and saw a little child with brown hair and eyes. Her familiar white T-shirt was covered with a big red spot and other small red spots around. Her lips were murmuring "But I wanted chocolate, Ash" but the light disappeared from her eyes and I watched that little spark, that she always had, vanishing. I ruffled her brown hair for the last time and held her hands. People tried to touch her but I clung to her and encased her with my legs and arms. She was already lifeless. I can't see anymore with my teary eyes and everything looked cloudy. I saw her running , screaming and pushing people aside to come and see her little daughter that I failed to protect. "That's my daughter" she yelled at the people. It's not them, it's me mom, it's her ,that person, that killed her.

            It's been a week since Lux's funeral. Mom was still locking herself up in her room and I watched dad enter her room holding food and come out again with the untouched food. I noticed my reflection accidently in the mirror and saw swollen eyes, greenish skin and messy hair. I cocked my hair and sighed  but tears kept streaming down my face because she was still everywhere we could all still see her photos around the house, her clothes,  her toys, her untouched sweets in the fridge, her I-pod on the sofa, her copybooks, and her schoolbag. Her ghost was chasing us, no it was chasing me, it was reminding me of my lifetime fault.

        I lied on my bed motionlessly and kept murmuring 'My immortal'  by Evanescence    "I'm so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave . I wish that you would just leave"   I sobbed  then carried on half speaking to Lux half singing  "Cause you presence still lingers here. And it won't leave me alone.These wounds won't seem to heal .This pain is just too real .There's just too much that time can't erase . When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears . When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears . And I held your hands through all of these years but you still have all of me ." It was me who helped her, wiped away her tears and fought all of her fears. It was me who sang to her, slept beside her in the dark and frightening nights and it was me who tied her shoe laces before we go out , it was always me that put a smile on her face and it's true that she still has all of me. I feel like the song is written for her, every word is meant to be talking about her departure .

       "Ash" my dad called and I hugged him, I don't know for how long, but it was one of the safest feelings ever, I let our grief connect together and then I draw back breaking the connection.  "Go out, Ash. You need fresh air, sweetheart " he said patting my head.

       I walked along the river, which is in front of my house, and notice that the 'For Sale' sign on the house, next to us, has disappeared. It's very weird cause houses here in Polina are never sold that fast. There aren't many people.

           "Lovely" a warm voice said as I was looking at the river. I turned around with dismay. "Don't panic" he said smiling, a tall guy with olive-tone skin, blue eyes, which were as blue as a deep ocean and had a little glare that made his eye look like a river crowned with bright sun and auburn hair, which was amazingly sculpted . "Zack" he said stretching out his hand in front of him. We shook hands. "Sorry for your loss" he said and I turned to look at the river silently. He didn't have to remind me. "Next doors" he said, I looked confused and he noticed so he explained that he was the new guy nest doors . "Tea?" he asked. "No, thanks" I replied.

             "When I was a child, I lost my father. I used to lock myself up in my room talking to his ghosts and sinking in his photos. My grandma told me that no matter how much we try to stop going to school or bury ourselves in our rooms ,convinced that we are acting faithfully and loyally, life will go on. No matter how hard you'll try to live half alive , the day will come when you get back to your world because simply that is the thing that the ones who leave us want. Your sister wouldn't have wanted to distract you from focusing on your life and your future. Lux loved you and she still loves you and still wishes the best for you not the worst. She wouldn't love to be the reason of your misery . She wouldn't be happy if she realized that she messed up your life" he explained and he sounded very convincing.   

    "You also know her name?" I asked with a sad smile. "Neighbors" he shrugged . "Tea?" he asked again and unexpectedly I said yes this time.  

                His house was full of books and I thought he was a nerd or something but he didn't look so. I noticed a book on a nearby chair and as I waited for my cup of tea I picked it up. I was about to read the title but he quickly grabbed it "Studies'' he shrugged trying to sound normal but his eyes were trying to escape mine.  I was about to ask him but as soon as my I opened my mouth he handed me the cup quickly and tried to drop the subject "High school?" he asked and I didn't even like his single-word-way of talking but I replied anyway  "yes" I said. I looked at him  suspiciously as I asked "College?"' "Yeah" he replied. "It's near from here?" I asked him. "Yeah yeah it is" he replied. I don't think there are any nearby colleges .

           I finally arrived home re-playing Zack's words about his father's death and felt better. I opened the books for the first time since I received that paper at high school and tried to redeem what I missed these days with Jessie and Nina's help. I began to hang out with the girls again.

               "I'm sorry for what happened to Lux" Hayley said and my trials to change the subject were  in vain. "Why did you push her, anyway?" she asked and I noticed Becky's look to her so I asked her suspiciously "How did you know that I pushed her?" "Trigonometry is  hard as hell. I mean I gotta hit the books before this huge  test next week but I don't understand anything of the last three lessons" Becky said trying not to look at me in the eyes. Hayley was different since Sasha's murder and I will know what's going on sooner or later.

                AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't be afraid to leave your comment and tell me your opinions.If you can offer some tips, I'll be grateful.