Message man; joshler

8

Josh's Point of View (as written by @tayloryorkyall)

"So I presume it's my turn to take you on a date?" I asked Tyler.

Tyler simply nodded and I grabbed my jacket. I put it on ,since my scars were still too recent. I sighed, I felt like shit. I know if my parents , siblings , and tyler knew they would be mad at me.
When I was younger , I was depressed so bad that I resorted to going under the blade and suffered high depression.

It was bad , so bad that my parents had to take me to rehab for about half a year. When I met Tyler , I had been doing so much better than previously before.

"Babe?" Tyler asked as his eyes gleamed.

It pained me to see him so hopeful and me being so broken. "Oh sorry, I was daydreaming but come on." I grabbed his hands and squeezed it tightly. We walked downtown and headed towards Taco Bell. I chose this place mainly because I was broke but not talking to Tyler pained me.

I had stopped talking to Tyler for a couple of days. He got so worried he came over and spent like six hours at my house. I shrugged off everything that was bothering me for the past months I shoved it all away. I smiled it off and avoided questions with kisses and a accidental hickey.

He slowly forgot about that I didn't talk to him as we made out which made happy and relieved.

I can't hold it any longer though.

I feel like I'm going to slip up and fuck it up.

We had a great date and as Tyler was taking me home it got hot so I took off my jacket.He grabbed my hand and felt my scars.

"What's this?" he asked.

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*WARNING: mentions of self harm, please skip if you're not comfortable reading. when you see the "*" you can read again. love you guys ❤️

josh looked at me with scared eyes, he tried to shuffle away but I grabbed his arm.

"I'm sorry, I-I just.." he trailed on. Tyler took him to the couch and waited for him to calm down.

"ever since I dumped debby as my friend, she's been making my life hell. a month ago she outed me to the whole school. I'm constantly hearing homophobic slurs and people leave shit in my locker. it hurts it really does, so I thought maybe if I had something to channel that pain, I would be okay.. but I was wrong, I'm addicted and I don't want to hurt myself, I just can't stop." he choked out, tears running down his face.

I wrapped my arms around him and he cried into my shoulder. I hate seeing this side of him, this side I didn't even know existed. his vulnerable self.

"josh, we can get through this together. I'm gonna be here for you no matter what, I love you way too much. I'm gonna take care of you, please just call me when you feel you'll relapse again. I don't want you to do this anymore. It'll take time, but you could really injure yourself." josh nodded and pulled away.

*
I wiped the remainder of his tears and kissed his cheek.

"you're too pretty to cry kitten." I whisper, I connect my lips with his and he smiles.

"I love you tyler, thank you." We ended up going to his room and falling asleep under his covers.

I held him closer than I've ever held him before that night.

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I'm so terrible omg, I'm sorry.

I love y'all 💖