Did You Know? // Hyunlix

~ f a c t : 2 5 - c o n t e n t ~

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Felix and Hyunjin lay on the latter's bed together, cuddling and relaxing, feeling a huge weight lift off their shoulders. They were content, or even happy, in this moment, Felix's face buried into Hyunjin's chest and the latter's face buried into the fluff of blonde atop of Felix's head. 

"Y'know... I had a whole day planned for when I'd ask you to be my boyfriend..." Hyunjin suddenly broke the silence, chuckling as he thought back on how much he had panicked, thinking he had to create a perfect moment to ask Felix out. "But actually... I'm kind of happy with how it happened instead." Felix looked up at his boyfriend, a soft smile on his face as he waited for him to continue, clearly having more to say. "The way it happened... I think it was imperfectly perfect..." Like them. "It kind of reflects the ups and downs of our relationship, don't you think?"

Felix hummed and nodded his head, genuinely agreeing with the elder. He wouldn't have asked for anything to change. Lying in his boyfriend's arms made him feel as though it was only them in this world. They could forget about any other worries, even if deep down, they knew they'd eventually have to have that conversation.

However, Hyunjin didn't want to wait for another time to tell him everything. Now felt perfect, in the quiet of his home, face to face with his lover. It scared him. Scared him so much, he considered just not telling Felix at all, protect the innocent ball of sunshine from any harmful things, but if they were to really love each other, they'd have to know all the imperfection's the other had, the burdens they carried and worries that troubled their minds.

"When I was younger, my dad abandoned me. But it wasn't like he... ran away, or... abused me... not physically at least... he just abandoned me..." The elder began, gaining the blonde's utmost attention as he simply listened.

He listened as Hyunjin explained how his father was never there for him. When they moved to New Zealand for a brief year, it was only him and his mother. His father stayed. When they chose to move back to be with his father, his parents' marriage fell apart. He was constantly moving between his mother's home and his father's, even if he desperately didn't want to see that man. The same man who told him he brought shame onto their family when his grades dropped slightly. The same man who told him he was a lost cause and would never result to anything in life. The same man who cared more about his work than his own family. The same man who had never uttered a kind word towards Hyunjin once he passed the age of 8. The same man he feared the presence of until this day. The same man who had lead him to feel this emptiness and loss of a father figure in his life. The same man who made his fear abandonment and judgement so much, he'd rather lose his dignity and beg even the most toxic of people to stay with him, just so he could feel as if he didn't lose anyone again, or lose to anyone again. The same man who was the cause of his fear of failure and rejection. The reason for his unhealthy habit of getting attached quickly to anyone who had shown him affection. The same man who had made him feel he deserved the treatment he had received from his father and begged him not to leave him when he broke the news to him that he didn't want to see him again and cut all ties with him.

The same man, who even now, had this great impact on his life, only making Hyunjin hate himself more for letting his father get to him this much.

That was until Chan, the very person he had looked at with burning fury in his eyes for the past week. Chan had become the father figure he was missing, slowly filling that void of emptiness within, even if it never fully satisfied Hyunjin. Deep down, he knew his every move would be carefully analysed by his mind, shaping his choices to how his father would've wanted it, even if he thought differently. He knew that his fear of disappointing that man, who could now care less about him, would always remain. Even now, holding Felix like this, felt like a sin, since he knew his father would've hated this. But how could he even begin to think of his father when it came to Felix? His ray of sunshine. The sunshine his mind screamed at him to avoid and not let into his darkness, yet his heart yearned for his love, and he just couldn't avoid it.