Invisible String || PURINZ

24 • forever [finale]

"Are we recording?"

"My name is Kim Chaewon, leader of Le Sserafim. As many of you know, I've been on hiatus for a year."

She stared into the camera, her face bare and her expression empty.

"Well, I say that as if it hasn't been covered a million times in the news. All the speculations of why I went on hiatus, and why it was for so long. How they thought I must have some sort of sickness, or how all those rumours about my sexuality must be true and that the company wanted me out..."

Chaewon adjusted in her chair. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and let out an unamused chuckle.

"It's funny how everyone dictates your life but you. I lost myself because I lost my voice. I was singing my heart out every day, but I was never heard. I had to find that voice again, and find myself." She chewed on her lip.

"My name is Kim Chaewon. I used to hate books, but I've grown to love them because they covered every inch of Yunjin's room. I never understood games, but learned to play them because Sakura and Eunchae liked them so much. I always thought movies were a waste of time until Kazuha made me watch one that made me cry for at least three days," Chaewon let out a laugh as she shook her head. She looked at the camera again, a smile glued to her lips.

"Over the years, I have grown as a person. I wouldn't be who I am now without my members– my family. Eunchae, who I watched grow up into the beautiful woman she is now. Sakura, who taught all of us more than we could ever imagine. Kazuha, who taught me what confidence is."

She stared down at her hands.

"Yunjin, who has never left my side, no matter how much went wrong."

The girl bashfully looked back up, her cheeks a little rosy and her eyes watery.

"The truth was never said because we're supposed to be perfect dolls for the public to enjoy. The truth is, I'm not as strong as everyone thought I was. The lack of sleep, the crushing responsibilities, barely getting time to breathe or think... I thought I could handle it. But I don't think that's human. We're not made to withstand so much pressure that it tears you apart."

It was as if the blinking red right on the camera urged her to go on. The truth would finally be revealed, and no matter how much her heart was thumping, she knew it was the right thing to do.

"I wanted to go on, no matter how often Yunjin told me not to. She was the only one I confided in because I was so scared of what it meant. I started getting panic attacks, but none of them were as bad as the night before our big stage in America. It felt like a weight was crushing all the bones in my chest. My heart was pounding so hard it rang through my ears. I couldn't even hear Eunchae and Yunjin when they tried to help me. All the breath left my body sooner than I could fill my lungs; I was dying. It felt like it, at least. And then I woke up in the hospital."

As she shut her eyes, she could feel it all over again. The terror, and the fear of death combined with the emptiness in her lungs and her aching chest.

But she smiled. "Storms pass. With lots of therapy, friendship, and a long ass break from working. But they pass, and after everyone was so excited to see me appear again on 'Day Off', I felt the strength to slowly build myself back up."

Her eyes finally found her members behind the tripod. Kazuha was trying to wipe her tears before they left the comforts of her eyelids, and Sakura was silently sobbing into the girl's jacket. Eunchae held onto Yunjin as she smiled encouragingly, and the tall girl herself was showing Chaewon nothing but warmth, comfort and trust.