An Intangible Pattern - Fate Bound.

Understanding

“He just wants to play.” Said Ben with a smile as Trouble dropped the ball at her feet and nudged it at Alex.
He bowed down in his forepaws and wagged his tail expectantly.
She spun her seat around and gave a wry  smile, then picked up the ball. Trouble braced, ready to bolt. She tossed the ball through the door into the hallway and laughed as she heard the puppy skidding across the tiled floor after it.
Within seconds he was back, whining at her to throw it again.
“I don't know how I'm supposed to get anything done with you around,” she sighed, then threw the ball again.
“You've been working non stop today,” said Ben from his usual spot on the chaise lounge, “You'll burn out if you don't take a break. Besides, you need to spend some time bonding with him. He's your dog after all.”
“I know, but I think you're his master, are you sure you don't want to keep him?”
Saoirse, who had been curled up asleep next to Ben, opened her eyes and gave Alex a doleful look as though she had understood and did not approve of the suggestion.
Ben chuckled and rubbed her ears. “No, he's yours. He's a good dog, just very energetic. He’ll probably grow out of it. He's smart too, he’s already mastered six commands, he just pretends he doesn't hear them sometimes. “
Alex smiled. It was like listening to a proud father talk indulgently about his child. She had already made up her mind that she didn't have the heart to separate Trouble from Ben permanently once he had finished training him, though she did feel sorry for Saoirse, who was clearly fed up of entertaining a puppy.
She stretched and stood up. Ben was probably right about taking a break, her head was already beginning to ache from staring at a screen all day.
Trouble pranced excitedly with the ball in his mouth, as though daring her to take it off him.
“Trouble, drop it.” She said.
Trouble, of course, ignored this and skipped a few more feet away from her.
“There's some treats in my bag,” Ben grinned, watching them with an amused expression. “Look in the front pocket.”
She rummaged around the backpack hanging from a hat stand by the door. Trouble inched closer curiously, but still did not drop the ball. Saoirse pretended to be disinterested but her ears twitched at the sound of the rustling packet all the same
“Trouble. Come.”
Trouble trotted forward and let the ball fall from his mouth. His eyes were focused on the packet of treats.
“Good, now sit.”
The puppy sat and she praised him effusively as she gave him his reward. She bent to pick up the ball but he snatched it up and ran off, looking back to see if she would give chase.
“Well, at least he listens to me sometimes.”
“It'll come. You just have to be patient and not give up.” Ben said wisely. He held his hand out to Alex for the bag of treats and gave one to Saoirse.
Alex sat on the floor and crossed her legs.
Seeing that she would not chase him, Trouble bounded up to her and proceeded to attack her with a flurry of licks.
“No! Trouble! Behave,” she laughed as she wrestled with the little dog. Eventually he flopped down in the crook of her crossed legs and promptly fell asleep.
“Is that normal?” She asked, concerned by the suddenness with which he fell asleep.
“Yeah, he's just a pup. He's still growing, so he needs a lot of rest.”
Alex gently stroked the soft fur on his head.
“He's so uncomplicated, isn't he.” She murmured affectionately.
“Dogs usually are, that's why I like them,” smiled Ben.
“Same, I like them much more than people at least…”
Ben tilted his head at her, “Do you have many friends Alex? It's just I never see you talk to anyone except Arthur and Cat?”
“I have a few good ones I can trust, like Robert and Jess…I don't really need many.”
As she said it, she felt a pang of guilt. When was the last time she'd spent time with either Jess or Robert? Since he had left the sanitorium, she had let her friendship with Robert dwindle when once they were thick as thieves. The last time they spoke, he had been excited about a commission for the Queen's birthday. He also talked non stop about Ronan and before she knew it, he was saying goodbye without asking how she was. She tried to squash the creeping feeling that they were growing apart, that she had been so easily replaced. She tried to focus on being happy for him, but it was hard. In some ways she had noone to blame but herself, she was the one who locked herself away while everyone around her seemed to be moving forward, living full, happy lives. It was hard not to feel isolated and resentful: she was stuck, too shutdown to reach out or move forward in any direction, fading into the background while everyone she knew shone brighter.
She gently caressed the puppy's head, taking comfort in his soft warmth. It didn't matter to Trouble if she trailed behind everyone else, he didn't care what she did or didn't do or what secrets she kept. There was nothing in his expression towards her but pure happiness that she existed.
Sometimes, Noah looked at her like that. He probably wasn't even aware he was doing it; but even just that morning, he had told her she was beautiful with that expression on his face.
It made her uncomfortable to see him look at her like that, and even worse when she pushed him away.
She pictured pushing Trouble away when he so innocently showered her with affection. She pictured the dog looking as hurt and dejected as Noah and it made her heart ache.
It's not the same.
But still, she couldn't help but feel guilty. It was obvious from the first time they had sex, unprompted by heat, that Noah wanted more from her.
She almost wished that they could go back to sleeping together only when he was in rut. It was easier when sex was just a means to an end, even if it was frightening.
This other Noah was playful, sweet and sincere. It was jarring. It set her on edge, as though she was walking into a trap: a sweet smelling flower that would snap closed on her if she got too close.
“I get it. It's difficult to make friends when you've been let down. I hope you can count me as someone you can trust.” Ben said with his easy gentleness.
“Of course I do,” Alex smiled warmly.
Omegas - she thought wryly. It was an almost supernatural ability, born from shared trauma, that allowed them to see right through to another's pain. She appreciated Ben's delicate approach, gently probing without digging deep enough to open old wounds. Without needing to say a word, they understood each other. Even if she was curious about what had happened to him, and he probably felt the same about her, there was no need to dive into specifics when they both knew what the other needed.
It was enough to know that someone understood.