An Intangible Pattern - Fate Bound.

Closing In

Noah woke up before the alarm. He reached out and switched it off before it could disturb Alex from her sleep. She still lay with her head on his shoulder, arms stretched protectively over his torso. He wrapped his arms around her again, squeezing her to his chest as though she might be able to fill the hollow in the pit of his stomach. She sighed sleepily but did not wake.

Is it alright to do this? - he thought, his mind lingering sickeningly over his failure to control himself again.

He decided he no longer cared: right or wrong, he needed it: he needed to feel another's touch as badly as he needed air.

With furrowed brow, he closed his eyes, lowered his head to her hair and breathed her in. Her warm fragrance soothed the ache in his chest.

Forgive me, I just want to stay like this a little longer.

The warmth of her embrace lulled him in and out of sleep.

Still, time could not be stopped, and soon the sun and his rabble of birds chased the night away.

Alex inhaled deeply as she came to, stirred a little, then froze.
He could tell by the altered tempo of her breath that she was still pretending to be asleep. He decided to ignore it, letting her choose what happened next. He suspected that she would probably slip away wordlessly, but to his surprise, she whispered, "Noah?"

He hesitated, then released his grip on her in response and she sat up next to him.

He kept his eyes closed so he couldn't see her go.

Her cool hand swept his hair off his brow and he started. His eyes opened, blinking up at her in surprise. Her face was serious as she studied him thoughtfully, then leaned over and kissed him.

His heart leapt as their lips met and he pulled her down again into an embrace.

"Don't tease me, Alex," he murmured a complaint. She stifled his protests with another kiss.

Don't be kind to me. It only hurts more.

But a starving man can not easily turn down a feast when it's offered, even if it was poisoned. He found himself making love to her again.

They clung to each other afterward, both unsure what to say. He let his fingertips drift slowly over her back as he stared up at the ceiling.

Eventually he uttered a single word, "Why?"

Alex raised her head from his chest and met his eyes. She sighed and made to remove herself from his grasp. He clasped her more firmly and frowned.

"Please, Alex. I don't understand. Why did you come here last night? Why were you crying?"

Alex seemed to deflate, she lowered her head so he could just see her hair.

"I'm sorry."

"No. No more apologies. I don't need an apology, I need an explanation." he insisted.

"I... used you."

His heart plummeted.

Her voice sounded strained as she tried to explain, "Last night... I wanted to die. It... hurt..."

The bottom of his stomach fell out. Alarmed by her confession, he forgot his own disappointment and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Why did you want to die, Alex?"

"Because all I do is hurt people."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it?" She laughed bitterly. "Im hurting you, aren't I."